I Don’t Wanna Cry Daddy

There was a time when I used to write poems when I was sad and had to ease my pain. I wanted to tell the whole world how miserable I am and how painful my life is. I don’t know why but I liked receiving pity. No one could imagine what I went through, and I tried hard to shout and tell everyone here in blog-o-sphere. May be it was my way of a catharsis. Everyone here, specially some beautiful friends helped me so much emotionally.

Then things changed and I stopped writing poetry. Pain was a strong driving force for me to write. It’s intensity lessened. So did my interest in writing. I just wrote a poem again, after I guess two or so years. It’s my life story, more or less. I don’t remember how to use fancy words and amazing allegoric phrases. It is a very simple poem written in very very simple and plain words. There would be many poetic mistakes, but it comes straight from my heart, that weeps right now.

Is it worth reading or not, that’s upon you to decide.

Source

 

Full of life, shinning eyes

Energetic box of chatter

I don’t wanna cry daddy

She writes him a letter

 

Shivering hands holding a pen

Scribbles on paper damp with tears

She shows him her bruised heart

Filled with heartbreaking fears

 

I am in so much pain , daddy

It doesn’t go, no matter what I do

You are so far away from me

All I need is a hug from you

 

As I laid with head on your arm

Be happy always, you used to say

May you never guess grief in my laugh

Now, while on the telephone I pray

 

You used to call me your innocent fairy

Guess what daddy, the innocence was gone

Long before my sensitive heart needed love

And I searched for it in strangers unknown

 

I needed a friend daddy, to share tales

To listen to my problems, hold my hand

While you were busy earning money

Life tore me apart, turned me to sand

 

My nights became so agonizing and long

Burning wounds, dying soul, bloody eyes

I cried and cried daddy I was so lonely

But in the day I covered it all with lies

 

And then you married me off to far away land

I saw you cry while you gave away my hand

I had a chance to tell you what I went through

Instead, I’m happy, I silently made you understand

 

This time daddy, after a few years

I went through the same heart break

The demons under my bed followed

The curse once again kept me awake

 

The pain tortured your little girl daddy

She needed the mask she used to wear

People changed, circumstances different

But the old depression won’t disappear

 

But guess what daddy, all that suffering

After mourning all night for so many years

Your girl refused to live and enjoy misery

She fought with her demons, faced her fears

 

Tears and pain made her strong

She fought and got her Allah back

Blocked memories that ate her flesh

Forced her dead soul back on track

 

Love and Pain both here but outlook changed

Heart silent, loneliness there but no despair

Still afraid of watching dreams as they shatter

But refusing to live in misery, I stopped to care

 

Remember the day when you were sick

Devastated, love you daddy, I cried aloud

Your little girl daddy, is all grown up

And all I wish is to make you proud

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Sharing A Thought…

tumblr_ntv17ykDn61sl9ts5o1_500

You know the thing that suffocates you till you can’t breathe anymore? That’s a wish. And then that dark shadow that occupies your mind and shuts off the light of your eyes just before making you unconscious? That’s despair. And then a sudden air that forces it’s way up your nose and mouth and pumps your heart very hard and makes you feel alive again? That’s hope.

It is raining outside. Whenever it rains, my heart talks nonsense just like that.

I don’t hate rains like other people do here (By here I mean, here, In the city where I live now. where weather is cold almost throughout the year).

Rain is still like a mystery to me. I haven’t experienced getting wet in it with hands stretched in the air and face towards the sky. I don’t know what it feels like to sit on the stairs in front of my home with a mug of coffee in hands and staring at the rain drops pouring on the ground beside me. I don’t know the warmth of hugging someone special while standing in the rain showers. I’d also like to scream and laugh out loud in the streets though there might be a risk of being caught in this.

All I have seen of rain is from my window glass, while reading a book or staring outside purposelessly. Sad, Quiet.I want to know it more but I am scared. I am scared that if I’d know and experience everything about rain that’s mystery to me now, what will I do then? There would be nothing left to wonder about. It will all be over.

Then, I’ll start hating it like others.

I know that’s absurd. I am being strangely honest. I am so scared of taking one step further and I don’t know when this habit took control of me. I can just think and think for hours of getting out of my comfort zone but I have no courage to step out practically. I am not brave enough.

May be I am still circling around into the darkness of despair or may be, I am breathing that fresh air of hope but I haven’t realized it’s there.

The Meaning Of Motivation Changed.

Abdul-Sattar-Edhi-.www_.randomoxide.com_
A sign of motivation for me

Self  desire for actuation, some valid motivation

Lift up the soul enervated, with a new cognition

 

By the moment I complain of heartache unbearable

A person gets back his life, when heart beats go stable

Survival from a heart operation, his contentment grow

The meaning of “Pain” clarifies itself into a sacred vow

 

By the moment I blubber missing my Love forsaken

An infant cries for the lap of his  Mother forever taken

Craving for his Mother’s touch, his hollowness grow

The meaning of “urge” bounds itself into a sacred vow

 

By the time I sob encountering nights sorrowful, sleepless

A person couldn’t sleep of his hunger growing limitless

In the need of food, His chastity of gratitude grow

The meaning of “want” enslaves itself into a sacred vow

 

By the moment I refuse to see the hope of future bright

Optimistic dreams are seen by a person with no eyes

Wishing for a better life, His frenzy eagerness grow

The meaning of “hope” confines itself into a sacred vow

 

By the moment I refuse to thank, by the time I do complaint

The poor,The orphan,The needy ,The injured and the quaint

Satisfy themselves for what they have, as the life grow

The meaning of “Life” envisages itself into a sacred vow

 

Desire is the key to motivation,a changed definition

A pinch of enthusiasm, A heap of determination !

————————————————————————————

Image Credits: http://www.eidhi.org.

Dungeon Prompts – Season 2 Week 1: Motivation.

Today’s Daily Prompt was NEW so this is my newest motivation.

Truth That Consumed Her -A Short Story

10000061_e_fnf

Who am I ? Where am I ? Many questions bubbled onto the surface her mind as she opened her eyes. At first she couldn’t see anything, her vision was blurred with a thin white sheet of mist.

She was laying in a small room. A dim yellow light was trying to make her vision clear but it couldn’t. She tried to move her arms and after struggling for a while, they were in a position to let her sit with her back resting along the headboard.

A bouquet of withered old flowers was resting on the side table along with a tray of tablets. A fan was running slowly on the ceiling which could produce no air but only an unpleasant noise. Her bed was white colored, made of steel. Soon she figured out that she was in a hospital. But why ? What happened to her ? She searched for wounds on her body but couldn’t find any. She tried to move her body off the bed but she wasn’t able to move it. She tried to call out, words stuck in her throat.

———————————————————————

Yes my darling I will take you both to the zoo in the evening” She spoke in her soft voice wrapped in love while driving the car.

But we want to go now Mama” Both her twin kids who were the world to her were insisting.

Today is your first day at school my Love, you can’t skip it. Mama promises you that she’ll take you to the zoo

Okay pinky promise?” They both forwarded their tiny hands with cute smiles on their faces.

She smiled and touched their fingers with her’s and kissed them both on their foreheads. She had tears in her eyes while watching them enter the school gate….Tears that are precious like white pearls in the ocean….like a mother’s love….like the first rain…..pure !

She turned back and was crossing the road when suddenly she felt herself in the air….the ground beneath her feet was gone and her mind blacked out.

——————————————————————–

How the hell am I supposed to let her live in my home?

She is still my wife, why can’t you understand that? Doctors said there are 1% chances of her coming out of the coma and that 1% chance saved her like a miracle.Where the hell is she supposed to go now?

I don’t know anything. I have given my 15 years to this home. I have been taking care of her kids for 15 years and now she is here to take control of my home? I can’t let this happen ever

She is not in a position of taking control of your house. She is on the wheel chair for God’s sake!! Let her live in a corner of our house. She won’t interfere in your matters, I guarantee that ! I know her……

She heard a loud sound like someone has thrown a plate on the ground…..And she heard the rest of that too.

———————————————————————

Ali?

Yes my love

Can we be more happier and satisfied than we are now? Can life be better than this?” She was staring at the countless stars on the dark black sky, glittering and glowing like her eyes.

I don’t think so” He kissed her hand while looking at her and smiled.

But it can be if you make me a cup of coffee right now?” she stared at his face where a naughty smile and pure love was gleaming.

Okay but this is the last time

My darling wife I love you” He cried and She giggled.

——————————————————————–

Why is she here brother I don’t like her. You know mom told me that she was bad and she was never there for us when we needed her. I hate her

She was in a coma for 15 years ! She need us now

She didn’t listen to her brother.

While leaving the room she saw her pulling the wheelchair towards her room holding a plate with two burgers in her hands.

She recalled, they loved burgers when they were kids.

———————————————————————

He is standing on a freshly made grave covered with red roses. He is crying hard with his hands stretched in the air. Why Allah? Why did you do that to my mother? No one needed her but I did. Why did you snatch the only happiness I had after 15 years? Why? Tears were flowing down his cheeks and collecting on his neck as he continued……

Here lies a wife and a mother who was best of both at one time. She returned to the world to have a second chance but cold truth and cruel realities didn’t let her avail it. Here lies a girl consumed by nothing but truth…Truth that can be like roses at one time and like thorns for the other. As they say,”Truth is rarely pure and never simple”.

———————————————————————-

Related:

The Daily Prompt: TRUTH.

Black Magic ?

facebook-fb-dp-sad-girl-pics2

People imply that it was

Black magic

that ate her up

like worms eat up the woods.

She was transformed

From an elegant glowing beauty

To

an awful filthy mess.

She had flesh on her bones

but no impulse.

Like a lifeless corpse

her face turned pale black,

her soul departed her body

taking away the shine

in her eyes.

She was Dead for

the world.

No one knew, except me;

she was bitten by ‘Life’

And I swear

I heard her silent breaths !!

=============================================

**Please vote for me if you liked my poem, O’ Moon You Were The Spectator ! . For voting, Please click the following link : Speak Easy at Yeah Write. Read the other great entries too and vote for them. You can vote for total three entries. All entries are present at the bottom of the page.

Thank you 🙂

A post written in response to Daily Prompt: Do you Believe in Magic?

Image credits: VUsolutions.com.

Story Of A 2064’s Grand-Ma !

1990's -When people used to think 'real ideas'
1990’s -When people used to think ‘real ideas’

1990’s :

Mom and Daughter:

Mom: Where are you going my darling?

Daughter: To play with my friends Mommy, we have invented a new game and the idea was mine !

Mom: Wow ! That’s good. Your brainwaves are so innovative. Go play but don’t go too far.

Daughter: Okay, Mommy.

Brother And Sister:

Brother: I have discovered a new library and they have the best books collection.

Sister: Oh wow, Please give me its address.

Brother: No, you first tell me the story of book you just read.

Sister: Okay.

Grand Daughter And Grand Ma:

Grand Daughter: Please tell me the stories of your past Grand-Ma !

Grand Ma: Okay sweetheart, Come here sit in my lap and I will tell you many stories.

Grand Daughter: Yay ! Thanks Grand-Ma.

xx_____________________xx

typing-dog
2013 – When Ideas went online !

2013 :

Mom and Daughter:

Mom: Where are you going sweetheart ?

Daughter: In my room Mommy ! I am working on a new website. The idea was mine.

Mom: Wow ! That’s good. Your brainwaves are so innovative. Go but please come out for lunch.

Daughter: Okay, Mommy !

Brother And Sister:

Brother: I have discovered the fastest torrent website online.

Sister: Please give me it’s address, I have to download a movie.

Brother: No, First remove that weird photo of me with our family you have posted on your face book.

Sister: Okay.

Grand Daughter and Grand Ma:

Grand Ma: Have you checked my new post on my blog ?

Grand Daughter: Sorry Grand-Ma I didn’t get time.

Grand Ma: Okay I am un-friend-ing you on Face book !!

xx_____________________xx

1934 - When we'd be the weirdest Grand Parents !
2064 – When we’d be the weirdest Grand Parents !

2064:

Mom and Daughter:

Daughter : Mommy ! My friend told me today that long ago there were people who don’t used to have sharp brains like us but they were energetic and used to think of bright ideas about life.

Mommy: No sweetheart don’t think about that. Save your brainwaves. Go recharge your brain.

Grand Ma standing besides them, Smiles !

Grand Daughter and Grand Ma:

Grand Ma: Come sweetheart we are playing the latest version of Grand Theft Auto ! It is amazing.

Grand Daughter: No, Grand Ma ! You play. I have to go with my Android friends.

Grand Ma smiles again !

xx_____________________xx

This weird post is written in response to Daily Prompt: Brainwave.

Credits:

First photo : SHADY.

Second and Third: Google.

 

Education Means Enlightened hearts, Not Straight A’s !

Inside of a classroom with back to school on the chalkboard

Cute little kids with shining eyes and huge heavy school bags on their shoulders…. This is what comes to my mind when I think about schools.

Life is a race. The one who stops, fails. You have to run fast to achieve your goals and this running fast for a school kid means he has to study hard to get good grades. He has to pass four exams and many tests in one year with excellent marks. He has to be brilliant in studies and has to answer his teacher’s questions during lectures. He must shine in studies no matter how shining he is or not in his real life. 

On the other hand teachers have to cover a huge syllabus in one year. They have to check home works of hundreds of students everyday and papers four times a year. They have a fixed time for their lecture and they sometimes have to deliver consecutive lectures without any break. They don’t know the names of students in their class. They sometimes do remember the names of some top students and some bottom ones. All they worry about is how excellent is the result of their class at the end of year.

This is our school system.This is our education system about. A number of big school buildings with high fees and charges for admission have been constructed in a past few years. They don’t care about the quality of education, quantity is the only thing that matters. An innocent kid enters school and a cramming youngster passes out after 10 years. No one keeps a record of what he has learnt that would help him in his life? What are the improvements in his personality and attitude ? How strong is his character and how confident are his aims? All that matters is a result card with stars and excellent grades and straight A’s.

The real question isn’t about the problems. It is about the solutions. In my opinion, If people stop using education system as a means of earning money and start thinking honestly about the future of our youngsters, these problems can be solved. And if teachers think more about character building and less about the syllabus and students think more about correcting themselves and less about getting good grades. Obviously this is possible only if there is no pressure on their heads.

Our grand-Ma’s and Grand-Pa’s are more intelligent and have more wisdom then our parents and us. They didn’t even go to schools. Then from where did they learn all this ? We don’t learn wisdom from schools. We learn wisdom by experiencing life and this is possible only if we keep our eyes open. Problems these children have to face in real life can’t be solved by Maths formulas or equations. Nor is their depression lessened by arithmetic and geometry. It requires wisdom and courage which comes only if you have an open mind and enlightened heart.

Napoleon once said, “Give me educated Mothers and I will give you an educated Nation“. He surely don’t meant Mothers with brilliant grades but he meant Mother’s with wisdom and open hearts. That is what education is all about. You may have read about Bill gates story, how he was not a good student and his friend was a brilliant one; and now He is the owner of Microsoft and his friend is his employee. Albert Einstein couldn’t even speak when he was four and his teachers were of the opinion that he wouldn’t make anything of himself. Benjamin Franklin was dropped out of school at age ten. History is full of examples like that.

No doubt studying is important to earn a good living . But more important than that is keeping mind and heart open, pondering upon the nature, experiencing life to enlighten our hearts and most importantly trying, trying again no matter how many times we fail ! We will be educated then, in true means.

A post written in response to Daily Prompt: The New School.