Everything changed, while I traveled from that to this…
So I used to hear a phrase, ‘the word impossible is not in my dictionary’ and I used to think, what kind of a crappy dictionary do these people own? I mean, there are a lot of impossible things in this world, no? You can not fly like a bird, can not just reach out and touch the sky, can not pass one day without shedding out tears. It’s just impossible. I defined impossible.
But turns out, the word ‘impossible’ somehow got erased from my dictionary as well. At least how my mind used to define impossible sure is changed. If I was the same girl who would sit on the desk in that first photo, the girl sitting on the desk in that second photo would have been a marvelous strange character of some piece of fiction.
Now that I sit on that second desk in real, I can’t stop thinking about that sad, miserable little girl who would when ride her daddy’s or later husband’s car never by any chance think that she would own her own car one day. Who would when spend her daddy’s or husband’s money to buy stuff for herself never think that she would buy stuff with her own self-earned money one day. And, her fingers which would press these buttons on the keyboard just to let her sadness and pain out would ever write programming code for UK’s largest travel agents. Still sounds funny to me, I swear. I never thought I would achieve all this, but I sure used to dream it like a dirty little fantasy.
In this short period I have made my parents proud a couple of times, I think. At least they show me off to other people and that’s a big thing to me. As a matter of fact, I have proved it to the world around me that yeah I can do something on my own, that I am capable of doing more than what they thought of me. And believe me, they thought very little. It’s even a little fun to look at their faces when they find out things about me. I feel proud. I have proved myself that maybe, when I used to think I am worthless, it wasn’t so true after all.
Big achievements is not a thing, it’s the teeny tiny steps you take towards those achievements that matter. My achievements may not sound much to you, you may think this woman has gone crazy, but these are big for me. I know how much I have struggled, and how ready I am to struggle a hundred times more.
You may not even read this rant of mine that sounds like I am in heaven , or that I am high. Same thing. I am not. I am the same, just a little more plastered on the wounds than you expected me to be. However, it’s still a long way to go.