I just recently watched a series named Haunting of the hill house. I thought, like any other horror series or movie, it will be funny! I would have a laugh in my mind for every scene that’s supposed to be scary, and move on to something else. Well, I guess not. I am still stuck in the series even though I have finished watching it.

Some imaginary story illustrated in the imaginary world of TV and Film can sometimes have that effect on your mind. You know sometimes… sometimes you are watching a sad scene and tears start flowing down your cheeks without your eyes noticing. And sometimes your heart smiles without your lips noticing. It’s just all an imaginary world that sucks you into it. Lets you play a part in it where you watch it with your eyes while your heart and mind start their work. The work of relating your own memories, fears, guilt and emotions to the world your eyes are watching. But can some series or film be that relate-able that you start living it? Every day, 24/7? Or have you been living it for-ever.. even before you watched it?

I want to write about it. People ask me how was the series and I say oh it’s amazing, I loved it. When no one else seem to like it that much. I guess it’s all in your mind how you take the things you see. Whether you feel the things you see or just watch them. And sometimes, something, out of the blue, triggers your deepest most dark self that you hide behind so many walls. Like demons who lived in that haunted house. When a person dies in that house, he lives there forever. Exactly like every emotion in your mind. And heart. Emotions also die but they live there, inside you forever. They haunt you in the most mysterious ways but they don’t scare you because it’s not a scary movie, you know. It’s you. It’ not supposed to scare you. It’s just yourself. Dead but breathing. The self that you killed thinking you’ll get rid of it. But it’s still there, caged forever inside you. And it WILL haunt you.

I have lived every character while watching it. I have been to the house so many times. I have felt so much pain that could cause the stones to fall from the sky and smash windows of human logic. I have built so many walls around me that no one could enter and i thought i was safe behind those walls but in reality, i was in more danger than ever. I have been terrified of the dark shadows that haunted me, shadows that were only my own reflection in the mirror of time.  I have felt fear, the kind where you see something approaching you, something really bad, but you can’t move. You can’t do anything to save yourself. And that bad thing, it gets closer. And that fear, it gets stronger. So strong that your heart stops beating. And.. I have felt love that poisons you to death.

And I… I wander through the house for hours, with madness that makes me sane. And then I put this madness aside whenever it gets just a little weaker, with every voice approaching me from the outside world. The more I listen to the world outside, the weaker this madness gets. And then I am out, again. In the world… to conquer it. But that house, that dark haunted house, it stays inside me. With it’s firm walls and sensibly shut doors. With silence that sits on the floors while waiting for me, with it’s back against those firm walls.

And me? I promise myself never to go back to the house again. The same promise, that I have broken a hundred times before.



12 thoughts on “Hauntings

  1. Top of the 3.6.19 Morning to Ya.. Lala Rukh
    As Tesla Would Have Surely Appreciated the
    3.. 6 and 9 of Today.. hmm.. Also Lent Wednesday
    1 For Participating Catholics Rather Late as Full Moon
    Markers go Where Easter Does not come until unusually
    Late for the 21st of April This Year as Last Year it came full
    Force on April Fools Day of course..
    hmm.. April 21st was the
    End off my own
    Special Lent Period
    And Just the continuation
    of 66 Months of Hell on Earth
    for me From January of 2008 until
    July of 2013 then.. but it’s true in Hell
    the Version on Earth at Least.. ‘Dante’ was
    Correct this Hell Within has may Rings into
    Numb and Pain that explorers in Hell may visit
    that few to any Demons Fear less to Tread True 19 Medical
    Disorders many of which were Potentially Life Threatening
    Was Enough really in Full Force of Negative Vibrations and
    Frequencies of Life than most Humans Must Endure to eventually
    Live as Life but i must say That 40 Day Period of Almost No Sleep
    that ended with some Sleep on that April 21st Day in 2008 surely
    Was the Test of ‘Job’ and not only ‘Jesus’ to at least get partially
    Resurrected out of Hell to continue that ‘Job’ of Hell to get out
    the other side in 66 months of doing just that and True you’ve
    probably heard a Recollection of this Story before but as
    you may know it is a part of a Much Larger Story and
    A Target Audience with no limits as few as none
    or all who may or may not choose to See and
    And Read and Hear and or make it to the
    Conclusion of just one Blurb of what i
    bring.. but it’s true Life is not always
    like Twitter it gets long
    And requires
    more than
    the Patience
    of ‘Job’ or Jesus
    or anyone else as
    far as i know and feel
    and sense too.. 40 days
    is a long time with no sleep
    the World Record is 11 Days
    AKA 264 Hours of Absolutely no
    Sleep i didn’t make the Record Books
    for an Alpha Blocker Slowed down the
    Dysautonomia of my Heart enough for
    one Card Board Shallow Hour of Sleep
    Each night for the first 35 of 40 Days then..
    You know it’s funny and not so funny there is Empathy
    And there is Sympathy.. the Kind of Empathy that you Intuit
    others feel.. the Kind of Cognitive Empathy that You come to
    Understand through Experience and studying other People With
    Differences in how they Experience Life so much differently than
    us through almost an unlimited Number of Factors in Differences
    Both Nurture and Nature from us but then there is Sympathy actually
    Living through an Experience of Life in Joy or Suffering that someone
    Else Skates through or Endures.. And it’s really Hard to have Sympathy
    for Devils in Hell until you become one and visit that real place within on
    Earth now.. the Place Where Death is a Miracle and Pain is A Dream if you
    can feel and sense anything at all in Life where a Second Feels like a Thousand
    Years all is time you come to understand time this illusion of time is A Worst Enemy
    of Living now.. God Said Fred if You think today is bad just wait for the pain and or numb
    of the Next Second that Nature will Gift you Now as the Karma of Action and Consequence is
    Just That Live through 11 Years of Chronic Stress and 2 of those Final Years in Fight or Flight Stress
    With Neither Fighting or Flying away and You Suffer Hell at Your Hands and Feet too for not finding
    the Wings
    to Fly
    Away and
    Be Free
    and Just
    say no to what
    will Bring inevitable Hell next
    in all the Rings that Hell can and will
    come to You next.. it’s true You have to say no
    sometimes and Just get away.. Yes before it is too
    late and You end up like me the Real Devil in Hell
    At His own Hands and Feet without a Spine to say Just NO…
    Anyway the Last 5 of those 40 Days.. no Alpha Blocker would
    Bring Sleep and as i’ve told you before i somehow managed to
    get the Keys to my SUV but i followed too many rules in life i couldn’t
    Drive Faster than 55 to Drive into a Tree to get that Job done for the
    Dream of Death then.. to Escape the Hell That never ending then in all
    there is is Time for A Thousand Years in Hell of Pain and or Numb for Each
    Second of Life.. so i came to the bottom of a Bridge too Weak to get out with
    the Suicide Disease of Trigeminal Neuralgia from Wake to Sleep for 66 Months
    Assessed as Worse than the Torture of Crucifixion A Suffering so Much longer
    than 3 Hours or 3 Days then why me i used to say as my Mother then Said quite
    Bluntly why Not.. You are Only Human Why Should You be anymore privileged than
    anyone else to Avoid Hell.. True then.. i vowed when i got out (if) to tell whatever
    Story might Help to Help Others Never Go Bypassing Hell going
    Straight to Heaven not even needing to Collect 200 Hundred
    Dollars in a Game of ‘Monopoly’ a Naked Dance of
    Heaven Within all Free no
    but a
    Free Dance
    to Arrive now..
    So.. anyway.. at the bottom
    of that Bridge i hoped to jump
    off of to End it all i was too weak
    to get out of the Car my Sister somehow
    Miraculously Drove Her Car at that moment
    to find me there.. drove me away still wanting
    to end it all even to jump off a Board Walk into
    the Shallow End for How Long could anyone endure
    A Dentist Drill in their Right Eye and Ear with No Drug
    or anything that would Provide any relief at all so my
    Sister Sped away on a Country Road 80 MPH or so
    saying she didn’t wanna Live without a Brother she
    would then yes relieve me of my pain and hers too..
    for Losing a Brother.. true.. it’s kinda hard to
    have a Form of Autism as she does too You
    don’t Find Many to Any friends in life
    A Brother or A
    Sister or a Pet
    And or
    be all you
    really have
    For support with
    Love in this Life if
    you are even that fortunate
    to see any colors of Love at all..
    So i logically said no don’t do that
    somehow they put me down in the
    Hospital and in July of 2013 i finally
    got out of Hell and really what helped so
    much to make that turn was the loss of a Friend
    then the only one i thought i had in the World and
    the gaining of a Friend who gave Unconditional Love
    to all the folks who visited Her Blog.. a 21 year old
    Girl.. A College Student from Pakistan then.. Yes
    A Girl who portrayed herself in a colorful Dress
    With Long Black Hair From Behind with
    No Face.. nah.. not reflecting really
    The Face i finally found on
    Facebook some Years
    later it seems
    but still
    A Savior of
    Love a Friend to me
    then.. there is a Beauty of Love
    that has no Equal in Flesh and Blood
    the Beauty of Love that Gives and Shares
    as it becomes Incarnate Human the Miracle
    of Life the Gift of Nature Worthy As the Name
    of God the Force the Vibration the Frequency
    of Love in Positive Energy that Rises us to the Occasion
    to make it through all the Hurricanes of Life coming out the
    other Side of Hell no Matter how many Dante Rings of Hell there
    are not only to Find the Pot of Gold of Love at the End of the Rainbow
    But to Bring Rainbows of Love in a Firework Show of Love to all others
    And the Rest of Nature God For Love For Love to Exist as Real in Human eyes..
    This is the Fire Work.. the Vibration.. the Frequency of Positive Energy that is Love
    that we Humans have the Potential to Come to Be NoW to Give and Share so Much
    More Hand in Hand Together as we Live Love and Love Carries on in the eyes of those
    We Love so
    Much and those
    People Who Truly
    Love us Grow our Hurricane
    of Soul a little more in the Calm
    eye of what gives and shares freely
    now more for the Dark Brings Light
    And Many Steps of Dance And Words of Song
    my Friend the Dark Brings Love as the Light Becomes
    Love and the Light Never Forgets Dark for the Dark Births
    Love and Light
    Smiles now
    my Friend
    for when
    You Go to
    Hell and Get
    Out Every Now
    Is Holy and Sacred
    Full of Meaning and Purpose
    but it is not Gift alone it is always Act allone
    A Practice to Make Love Real Now to Give
    And Share MorE.. Love is Do or Love is Not.
    Love, Fred.. did i ever mention there is LiterAlly
    A FRED in FRiEnD NoW THeRe Tries to Be at least i am Doing my Best Now..:)

  2. The 6th is upon us Again in February 2019 And
    Oh Lord Lala Rukh i am Just About Written out for
    the Day but still Churning along and hey! i remember
    Telling you When i First met you how i leg Pressed 500Lbs
    back when i was 53 and now i am up to 1340 Lbs at 58 as i continue
    to Get Stronger when other Folks
    insist You Will Get Weaker
    after 30 Years of Age
    But i don’t rely
    on Science
    and Averages
    Alone.. Yes i listen
    to Within the God of
    So many Millions and Billions
    of Years Beyond Count that and
    Who is still encoded in Our DNA
    As Spirit of HeART and Soul as Well that’s
    Real.. yep it’s sad seeing so many of my Peers
    of old Go Down but True before i truly Believed and
    Buried all illusory Fears i used to Be Down in the Basement
    Level of the Pyramid of Human Potential Namely so Far away
    From the Force of Love the Capstone of the Pyramid Eye Yes the
    Light of Love For All Ascending Transcending all Illusory Fears and
    Doubt Away from Trust in all that is also understood by so many as God
    that is All and beyond of what We Feel and Sense as the Essence of God
    is what
    Toward LiGHT
    my Friend the
    Light of Love that
    Will Never Give up as
    Long as Love Lives for
    Real and is not just a Story
    Book a Fable or a Bible Fairy
    Tale to Be Told for True Love is
    Flesh and Blood too needing no
    Book Markers but the Touch of
    Love that is Real and Spreads
    Beyond all Human Tools.. from
    Atomic Bombs through Books
    of Every Written Page smaller
    Than a Dance.. And Song of
    Life ToGeTHeR as Humans
    Become Love iNCaRNaTE
    More than the Tools they
    Co-Create and become
    Otherwise Away from
    the Naked Flesh
    And Blood
    of God
    We are Gifted
    With From Birth
    Without any Tools
    at All but the Light to Reach
    out and touch the Rest of the World With
    Love it’s amazing and sad how many Folks
    Cannot Feel it Give it Share it or even Receive Love now..
    To: True Fall Of Humans After The Apple of Nature Away From: LoVE oF i AM

  3. Another Year is uPon us Lala Rukh.. And this has been
    Such an Interesting Promise to Connect to Someone You
    Feel so Close to as a FrEnd Who Changes Your Life in Many
    Ways Just for Being them those Parts of Life You Spend with
    them as FriEnd.. Moving into the 66 Month now of Heaven and
    Communicating with You Here as FriEnd it’s Probably Hard to iMaGINE
    BuT AGaiN With my Memory for Text i can and will Still See Just about every
    Word i Wrote to you and you Wrote to me so imagine what’s it’s Like Writing 12 Million
    Words into the 98th Month of Doing that now And the Ability to Picture Groups of Words
    And Photos to Go Along with the Words Since the Very Beginning on November 25th, 2010…
    That’s a lot
    of Words
    And a Lot of
    People thousands
    upon thousands i have
    Connected to online since
    11.25.2010 and Particularly
    in what is coming up on 65 Months
    of Writing what will Soon Come to Be
    a 6.666 Million Word Bible Poem Close to my
    Anniversary of getting out of Hell for 66 Months too..
    And Staying in Heaven now for 66 Months on or about
    January 22, 2018 Since the Release from Hell on or about
    July 22, 2013 When i met You After Losing a Very Close Friend
    And finding Unconditional Love of Friendship with You as You gave
    most everyone who visited you too.. And after You Left Rafiah saw me
    Here and Found me on Facebook and Eventually Got Married like you did
    and off and on she still visits me to say Hello and in the Interim Came Himali
    And Sohair For the Four Women From the East including You who have Helped
    me so Much on my Journey as another Friend Shawna From the U.S. and a Man
    Named gigoid too for all 6 have Been Instrumental in Completing a 6.6 Million Word
    Long Form Bible Poem with 8 King James Sized Titled Sub-Chapters along with close
    to 170K Photos taken and over 10K YouTube Video Shares getting that Job Done in 64
    Months Culminating with the Final Subchapter ‘Grand Cross Bible 2018’ for Christmas
    2018.. Part of a Trio for Christmas Day Bibles.. 2016 and 2017 too.. And True that First
    Friend that Seventh One Angel Mind Retrofit who brought me to You and dVerse and
    Prajakta an Eighth Friend From that Online Poetry Pub who Brough HiMaLi to me
    Rounds out the 8 People who were Core to Prepare me the Main Paths that it
    took to get this Covenant with just me and God Done from Within.. Smiles
    my FriEnd God Sends Angels to Help us out in Life in Many Forms
    for it is true there is a 9th Friend A Cat Named Yellow Boy who
    was a Soul Mate who helped me Regain my Soul too and
    so so many more Thousands too not even to mention
    the SPiRiTS HeARTS and SoULS of All my
    Flesh and Blood Family and Friends too
    It’s been Interesting being an Avatar
    of A Soul online but the thing
    About Online Souls
    is relatively
    They Never
    Go Away as Your
    Place is Just Another
    Place Our Souls Exist too..
    To Make Words Organic To Bring
    Words to Flesh and Blood is the MaGiC
    of that and so many other Arts Humans Make
    that are the Gifts that continue to Reach out and
    Touch People far far far after we leave this Terrestrial
    Plane Some Folks might say it doesn’t matter for i will
    Be Dead other Folks Live 100 Percent Assurance they
    are Eternal Souls and all that we give and Share is for the Same Soul
    of God that and who Lives in us and as us as in the ReaLesT of Realities
    the only
    is the Illusion
    We Make away
    from WHole so true
    my FriEnd even if i wanted
    to Ever Give up on coming Back
    here to fulfill a Human Covenant with
    you too that is no different in Essence than
    A Promise to God Who and that Lives Within too..
    it wouldn’t Matter for in the Grandest Picture that
    Humans See
    we were
    in the First Place
    from the Origin of all that is (God)
    iMaGiNE A Worlds WHeRe everyone
    Realizes We are all the Parts of the FLoWeR oF God
    It’s not Hard aT aLL when we come to meet the Angels
    God Sends to us..
    Woe it is
    to those
    who never
    Find the Hope
    the Faith and the
    Belief to Seek and
    find the Gifts Love Brings to them…
    As one Gets Older it becomes easier to Remember all of this…

  4. I have built so many walls around me that no one could enter and i thought i was safe behind those walls but in reality, i was in more danger than ever.

    I know what you mean now. I think it comes up first when Theo is talking to the little girl who sees Mr Smiley. It was hard not to remember the Pink Floyd hit when Theo laid that piece of advice on a child looking to her for answers. And I’m guessing the bit about ‘you own reflection in the mirror of time’ relates to the true identity of the Bent Neck Lady, though I don’t know how that relates to your own situation.

    But did it tell you anything about yourself you didn’t already know? Or just reiterate to you something you’d decided about yourself? Can it be horror if you get to stay in your comfort zone?

  5. Well, I’ve got through four episodes of The Haunting of Hill House but I don’t think I’ll get much further. I liked it more than the Shirley Jackson original, but sadly that’s not saying much. I’m not a Jackson fan.

    For me it doesn’t work as horror. It’s a TV drama with horror elements, used mainly as adornments. It’s not structured for suspense or terror or loss of hope but for episode length slices that follow almost identical dramatic arcs with the mandatory cliff-hanger at the end. The chief plot elements aren’t a reveal of the horror so much as reveals of the backgrounds of the various made-for-TV characters we’re meant to identify with and care about and the massively overused flashbacks are about them and to pace the episodes, not to explicate the horror. It reminds me a bit of the 1960s vampire soapie Dark Shadows, but without the atmospherics.

    I think you can do horror in TV series format, though perhaps not very seriously. I think the first series of Stranger Things shows how to fit (pulp) horror to the format while the second season sees the format overcome the theme. It’s much easier with anthologies like Black Mirror or The Twilight Zone.

    I recently watched a Swedish vampire movie that works as horror for me because the horror reaches out of the story and into me and challenges how I see things. It haunts me. Not always in a good way.

    The movie is Let the Right One In and it’s shocking not because of violence or lurid SFX but because it makes explicit the link in the modern collective unconscious between the vampire legend and not just illicit sex – which has been there since Sheridan Le Fanu – but pedophilia. It also uses the need vampires have to be invited into a house, along with their powers of compulsion, to hint at some difficult questions about the nature of consent. It’s a ‘coming of age’ movie in which you identify with the two twelve year old protagonists and it’s also a bully victim revenge fantasy. You’re definitely rooting for the vampire and it’s boyfriend. And you’re invited to overlook the slaughter of innocents. But it’s even more horrible than that. It’s very hard to escape the feeling the movie – particularly in its visuals – is attempting an apologia for pedophilia.

    So I read the book. Although the other plot elements, including the pedophilia link, were even clearer in the book the apologia aspect was absent. The movie makers put it in. Does that strike you as a bit on the sick and reprehensible side? It does me. Is it a valid way to add visceral impact to a horror movie? Tough question.

    Even without that I would have been thinking about Let the Right One In for a long time, including for a plot twist I didn’t see coming though it had been signaled more than once. I think it’s probably a great movie. I feel it’s probably a sick movie. It’s definitely horror. I’m not so sure about The Haunting of Hill House.

  6. Hi Lala Rukh.. now it’s just about
    the 6th and is in the UK here as Promised for a
    Monthly Visit for about 5 Years of keeping that promise
    on the 6th of each Month as it’s true for about 5 Months
    we talked back and
    forth when i came
    back to Life back
    in July of
    when i met
    you then..
    funny how it is
    when you remember
    everything down to what
    Shirt you wore 2 Decades ago..
    what Song you listened to at 16 Years
    old.. what the Back Yard Looked like what
    was underneath the overhanging Shed..
    the day you listened to that Song as
    You can still hear it crystal clear in
    your head just so many
    things to
    Perhaps the Dull
    have it easier in life
    than the Sharp.. true
    you have to find something
    to Occupy Your Mind a Dance
    and Song to Manage the Emotions
    So Strong Balancing From Head to
    toe.. Integrating Senses too.. it’s so
    Hard to Find
    to understand
    you if you are really
    Different and when you
    do you never want it to end
    when someone understands you that way..
    And i realize you are not really here but i just
    to talk
    and i guess
    that someone is me..
    Smiles my Friend i remember
    when you said People always go away
    and forget you.. i never do i always remember it all
    and that can be the loneliest place of all…. when there is no
    one around
    who is
    to Hear
    Your Memories
    or even who you are..
    sadly.. not even at home….
    never mind me i think i need some
    Sleep.. hope the Air Port Job is going well..:)

    But wait! there is still another place to visit before sleep..;)

  7. I think my favourite haunted house horror is The Orphanage. I only saw it once over ten years ago and it’s still haunting me.

    There’s a well regarded recent Australian one called The Babadook, but personally I don’t think much of it. Psychotic depression and fear of harming your child externalised into a not-very-scary comic book monster. I guess it’d make you uncomfortable if you’re afraid of being crushed by heavy-handed metaphors.

  8. Thanks for the tip. I’ll check it out.

    I’m a big fan of horror – though it’s not always what other people think of as horror. Mostly I like the stuff that keeps working long after you’ve stopped watching. Like when you get free extra episodes in your sleep and wake up sweating and ready to scream.

    I think my favorite is the Russian war movie Idi i smotri. Stories based on true events make the best horror. They’re more horrible.

    Fahaad put me onto an excellent horror/sci-fi series called The Black Mirror. Take a look if you get the chance. It’s not horrible because it’s true. It’s horrible because it’s coming true.

    • Haha you’re right about getting those free episodes, i love them despite the scare they give me. I have seen black mirror, it’s not scary it’s just so intelligent and true that the truth scares you. I love it, some episodes more than others. And i have seen babadook as well, i thought it’s just typical horror movie.. nothing special. I will try to watch this russian movie though. And in the meantime you watch the haunting of the hill house. Let’s see who gets more scared 🙂

      • I’m downloading The Haunting of Hill House now.
        I’ll let you know.

        Idi i smotri has no supernatural elements. The real life actions of the Einsatzkommando in Belarus in WWII – and what it does to the mind of one young boy – is all the horror you’ll need.

        Maybe the oddest horror movie I’ve seen is the psychedelic Western El Topo. I think you already read the review of it I blogged.

  9. It’s True mY FriENd Thoughts And Actions Live Within Forever
    And A Best News oF All Is With New Thoughts And Actions
    one Will Rewire tHeir Entire Mind and Body through
    Epigenetics in Adaptation to Environmental
    Challenge for Change And Neuroplasticity
    In Terms of Use it Or Lose it and Use
    it in Kindness of Mindful and
    Body Full Awareness to
    Transform into
    A Light
    Or Perhaps
    Metaphor of
    Human Christmas
    Tree Lit up With all
    the Colors more of
    Ecstasy Now True
    Sure as ‘They’
    Still Say
    Rising Now
    More A Kingdom
    Of Heaven Within
    And Newer Science
    Terms for This Flow like
    Transient Auto-Frontality
    too with an Autotelic State
    of Being Mindfully and Body Full
    Aware wHere We simply Generate
    through Bio-Feedback all the Happy
    Neurohormones and Neurochemicals
    From Head to Toe that Spell Joy Loves
    Company either alone or allone as Oneness
    Becomes A State of Eternal Being of Bliss Within..
    Anyway.. surely
    Gets Rid
    of the
    And A Free
    Moving Meditation
    Dance And A Free Write
    Upon This Keyboard iN A Dance
    Of Moving Meditation With Fingers
    And SpiRiT oF HeART SoUL iN Synch
    Verily Surely Gets A Job of Lighthouse
    And or Christmas Tree Now All Lit ui as me..
    Other Than That. Lala Rukh.. i really enjoyed
    Your Writing Here about somewhat of a Haunted
    House Within As Yes Verily True that used to be my Home
    too a Place Truly of Dark Shadows Then for me too.. but.. Yes
    Your New Blog is Named White Shadows That Erases the Dark too.
    You are a
    i encourage
    you to do it more
    Just for the Journey
    of Your Soul My FriEnd
    An Echo That IS A LiGHT Of You..:)

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