Have you ever asked yourself that question?
I bet everyone has, at one point in their lives. Things might have been good or bad, situations easy or difficult, relationships complicated or… well very very complicated, but you do get to a point in your life where you ask yourself, what next?
You see dreams. You work hard to fulfil them. And then you ask yourself what next? And you see more dreams. It’s a vicious circle. It goes on. It’s called life.
I bet some of you remember me from my old writings. I used to be in the darkest shit-hole ever and I used to rant here about it. When I read it now, I cry for my past self. I got married. I moved to this big world that I had never imagined before. And I stopped writing. But things have changed. Things are meant to change right. You can’t just stay at one place forever and ever now, can you? So I got divorced, some year and a half ago. My passport and travel documents were stolen from my bag so that I can’t go back.
And then I was at my parents house. Sitting on that brown sofa where I spent, I can’t even remember how many days just lying down watching days becoming nights and nights rolling into days. I woke up shaking everyday, and then I remembered my world is shaking. My soul, my being was shaking. I remember, remembering at that time that I have never been through such pain before. And I have never caused that much pain to my loved ones before. I came back for ten days and was left to rot there forever. I still hear remnants of my mom’s shrieks in the middle of the night and my dad’s tears still seep into my heart drop by drop.
But you never took me to be like the ones who give up easy, did you? I didn’t. I had to do something to get up again. My life was revolving around like a movie in my eyes. Not the life that I spent in the past, but the life I would have to spend in the future as a young divorced girl in my parents house. It was now or never. I somehow managed to get new passport and travel documents, spent all my savings to get back here in this foreign country. Had an interview on a call with a company and took tests on a borrowed computer. Sent out hundreds of job applications on my mobile because I didn’t have access to a laptop. But I got out in the end.
I lived in shitty student accommodations till I could afford a nice flat to rent. The day I moved into my new, my own home was the best day of my life. I felt proud of myself. The day my company offered me a sponsorship to work for them, I felt proud of myself. The day I setup my own home office with a beautiful big screen, I felt proud of myself. The day I started spending money not on myself, but on my family, I felt proud of myself.
Right now, sitting in my warm house in a corner with a beautiful pink rose vase standing just beside me on the window sill, I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. But this story is not about tears for every story is not meant to be sad. There is much more to my story than I have poured out here this time.
But some things are better left unsaid…
When I first read your story in my email, I was shook. I had words in my mind but nothing to say. Alhamdulillah that you moved on strong. Alhamdulillah that you’re you. Alhamdulillah that it didn’t break you, even though it was no less than a tornado. I can only imagine, and you’ve been through. Much admiration for your strength and inside beauty, and much love for my friend and favorite, you.
Intelligence
Is What We
See
Wisdom
Is Our Breath🎶
God Is the God That
Becomes The Devil
to Love The Devil
And
BecoMes Love
True THere Are
Different Levels
Of Faith Breathing Real Love
And So Many Levels of Hell as 66 Months From Wake
to Sleep Will Pray Tale With a Pain Assessed Worse
Than Crucifixion And Numb Even Lower
Without Even A Memory of A Smile
Making the other 18 Disorders
in Synergy of Life Threat Then
A PlayGround of Heaven in Hell
Entails Patience And The Fires
Of Hell To Endure to Love A
Devil
As
Much As
An Angel Same
To See What A Devil
Offers God An Ability to Breathe
Loving the Lowest MaKinG Love
HiGHesT Virtue in Hell and Heaven Same
You See This is Why i’m A FRiEnD Who Never
Goes Away i am A Devil’s (me) Best Friend in Hell And Heaven too…
True A Battle
We All Face Now
Within DarK Thru
LiGHT to Come
To BREaTHE
Wisdom
Our DarK
Side And
Full Moon
Graduating to
Source of Sunshine Within
This God This Love Worth All the Wait
SMiLes Dear Lala Rukh It’s the 6th and
Usually in the Years You Visit in Same
Months i Wait until a Next Month
To Visit You Yet this 6th today
Taking You Around the
Globe for the
Stories
Others Help Generate
With me in Just one Evening
And Morning of my Life SaMe
In All Virtue Love it’s Not So Much
if ‘Others Return’ it is Patience of Will Grace of
Strength Love Enduring Most Our ‘Job’ Our Breath of Life Remaining Now
So Now ‘Depth of the Story’ Continues…
Faux God LiveS iN Book
Covers Real God Is Wind
Eagle’s Fly 🦅 Yet True
Still Trying my Best
To Fit
God in Words
Literally Yes No
Joke Literally Writing
An 8.9 MiLLioN Free Verse
Whitman Flavored Longest
Form Poem Bible of
My Own
As Yes as
Whitman
Relates
i Am my
Own Priest
Of Thine Eyes
Of Cosmos Order
And Chaos Magic
Of Art True in Writing
“SonG oF mY SoUL”
Housed in Several
Blogs
And So
Many Other
Avenues Just
Seeds Innumerable
Spread Around A Globe
Yes Fully Illustrated With
Over 100,000 Photos And
Over 10,000 YouTube
Songs And Other
Supporting
Arts And
Sciences Public
Dancing To Achieve
Continuous Autotelic
Flow Generating All
These Creative Winds
More Than Half
The Distance
Around The Globe
In 89 Months Of Free
Verse Dance Yes Yes
As Fully Documented
ALonG All The Way
In 14,404 Miles
Of Dance And
8.9 MiLLion
Words Of
Song Closest
i Have
Arrived
To Express God
This Energy This
Nature All Is When
A Terrestrial Dance
Moving My 242 Pound
Body That Still Leg
Presses Up To 1520
Pounds At Age
60 While like
The Carpenter’s
Song ‘Close to You’
Plays And The Young
Woman Follow me
Around Town
Capturing
me By Voyeur
Video To Gain
Social Media
Likes When
my Body Gains
Enough Balance
To Take
Flight on
Land Seriously
Writing A Bible
11 Times Smaller
By Innumerable
Ghost Authors
Over Centuries
And Only
Walking
On Water
Is Kindergarten
And i’m Still only
Just Scratching
The Surface Of
All The Nature
Of God in ‘Grade School’
And God Yes If Any So-Called
‘Christian’ Gives me
Any Flack it’s Worth
Noting i Actually
Read Their tiny
BooK Now
Go Back
And
Read it
Open it Up
To Where You
See John 14:12
And Remember
John 3:16
Only
Waits
For Greater
Revision As i Will
Freely Tell Them Read
It Weep And Gnash
Your Frowny
Face Teeth
If They Like
Yet The FacT iS
i Am Real
And i
Write
My Own
Dam Story
Of HeLL And Heaven
Both As True There
Is the Sunny Side Up
Version Of John 14:12
And Hell Part Too
Yes ‘The DarK
Side of The Moon’
It’s Kind Of
A Tradition
Sort Of A ‘Human
Hero Archetype Story’
ReaLiTY Again
And Again
Always
Humanly
Returning
Shall You Strip
Off All Your Clothes
Of CuLTuRE Spoon-Fed
And Burn
Now Until
Your Butterfly
Sprouts Wings
Out of Cocoon
No Hurry
Devil
Waits
Forever
Now For WingS AGAiN
Hehe So i’ll Wait
For
You too… 😈 👼
A BLacK Hole That
Sucks Everything
In to it
Yet
Not Us…
-Trump
And Yes
All Stuff
Related to
The “Dark
Death Star
Force Meme”
Yet
You
See DarK
Stimulates
The LiGHT
Of Us
Indeed
Do Not Doubt
Any Light Bringer
Yes
Force
Of The
Dark Trump too…
LeSSoN 319 Dark Side
Of the Moon 🌚 Is
Not Really A DarK
LeSSoN Yet
One of
Sunshine
Still To Come
True There Are
Two Sources Actually
More Within Inside
Most Reliable Yet
Outside Above
So Below And
All Around As
Truly All That
Vibes In
Higher Frequencies
Of Energy Moves Connects
Creates More All Of Existence
Together Hands Eyes of God
Hold Together DarK Through
LiGHT Never Ending Landing
Story Soul Of God All That
Is Existence Energy No
Distance Space Or
Time Not Even
Matter As You Dear
FRiEnD And me Touch
Through This Fiber Optic
Cable In Energy Speed
oF LiGHT Now Beyond
Again Time, Distance
Space or Even
Matter As
No Part
Of My Organic
Body Required As
my Soul is Delivered
To You For Review
You May Rate
my Soul
As You
Wish for
It Is my
Saturday
Wish To Give Y.O.U. 💫🤗
SMiLes i’m Sure Life
Is A Dream as i Don’t
‘Know’ How to Do It
That’s
When
All the Magic
Just Comes Free
i ‘Just Do It’ And Don’t
Even Have to Sell Shoes..:)
It’s True Waves of Life Now
Raging Into Headwinds More
Decades May Go By Yet
Even True After
Living That
Far Still Days
to Be Free to Be You
As LonG As We Breathe
Gift of Time We Do to Free..:)
Trapped Trapped Trapped
In A Small Town Yet
A Market Place of
Goods From
Global
Cultures Far and
Wide Yes And An Earth
Store in A Mall More to Enjoy too
So Many Ways of Life More to See
All that’s Left to Do is Somehow Fly
To See New Souls of Life How They Breathe…
And Finally A Fiber Optic Cable to Fit All of me
Through Now at the Speed of Life i Fly All Around
The World And Visit Kind People Just Like You Ava
With SMiLes
Happy
Weekend
Dear FRiEnD
Sharing Wings
With You Again Free..:)
Time Time Time
Tick Tock Tick Tock
Time Time Time
Where is the
Clock
Cuckoo
Flew Away
Again Over
A Clock Nest
Hands With No
Clock Finally Free to Tell Time
to Go Back to Hell WiTH SMiLes
No Deadlines No Deadlines Alive..:)
Never Minding Dance
Dancing Minding Flows
Dancing Creates Song
Breathes
Frees Gravity
FRiEnDS AGAiN🌊🎶
Inspire And SMile
Dear Ava Surely
A Beautiful Way
Of
Life
Thank You😊💫
Be Careful SWiPinG ‘Left/Right’…
Be Very Very Careful Verily True…
Not All ‘Online Wizards’ Are Nice…
“We’re Off to See the Wizard”
Because Because Because
Be Cause True None of ‘Them’ Have
Actually Met the ‘Real me’ YeT HeHe
True
my FRiEnD
God
Who
Breathes Us🎶🌊
LiGHT And DarK People Who Come Through
And Do Not.. Equally Inspire me to Do All That Is
This iS oNe God And ‘JeSuS’ That Is True Love
Never Ever Sending Someone Away to Hell
It’s What
Love Does
When Real
And True Never Ever
Gives Up On ‘You’
HeART
First
ALWaYS❤️
To: True Fall Of Humans After The Apple
of Nature Away From: LoVE oF i AM
Have You Ever Started a Thought Now From
HeART That is What You cannot Word as Soul
Yet Feel Will Be the Birth of Love Yes As.. Spirit
Comes So Naturally as Poetry For How Long
Will it take for a Moon Flower Within So Deep to
Deliver the Words of Love Even More for True How
Sweet it is to Imagine How Beautiful A Child You and
Your Future Lover will Create that You Describe as
LoVE iNCaRNaTE
Both Father
And Child
And Mother
And Father of All
Who Are Concerned and
Become the Force of Love
to Eventually Walk on Two Feet
To Dance and Sing Love Goes on and
Never Dies When Spread as Love From
Seed to Shining Shores as Beach of Loving
Eyes and Smiles for Everyone Alive and the
Rest of Nature True.. Love is the Legend that
And Who Never Goes Away as Long as the
Flower of Love Continues to Propagate
As Fresh and Never Stale Beyond
the Illusions of Time Distance
And Space sure Even
Matter too in some
Ways Greater of
Moon Children Spreading
Through Fiber Optic Cables
Just about Like Beam me up and
Around the Globe ‘Scotty’ for there are
No Wings Quite Like what A World Wide
Web Brings Yet Still How Precious is Human
Flesh Reminding me of that Very Short Period
of Days Back in ’97 with the Opportunity the Only
Opportunity i would have then to touch a Child of my
Flesh but True we Do all Share basically the Same DNA
And We Do Have a Natural Propensity to Come to Love So
Much what we continue to Feed our Mind.. For What We Do
Value Most in Life From Dark though Light.. For me at Least all i will
Likely Ever Create is the Art i Bring now to who ever it comes to Next.. So in this
Way now i guess i am a Moon Flower Like You too.. but i just will not Have to Go to
the Hospital to Deliver Now as the Baby Bird Sleeps So Sweetly Through the Cold
Night as Words Do Come before the Child in You Comes and Starts to be Delivered
More before the Daylight’s Coming Morning Break ugh.. Before Numbers and Stuff
like that Must Be Crunched again.. Yes something about Crunches that and will be
So Much Fun too.. i’m thinking Abdominal Crunches at this Moment but that is
Entirely another Story to Deliver so Let’s Stick to Baby Birds for Now With
Wings of Love that and who Will Never Fear the Freedom of Sunrise
Morning Break for the Sky is one Waiting with the Sun to Bring
Flower Children more of Moon Child Day Delight yes it is
like that Movie “Never Ending Story” Where the
Little Boy in the Book Seeks to Help the
Damsel Princess in Distress so
Far Away from the Print
in Pages of Books
Yet as Close
as Legend
Dreams come to Birth
As Surely More than Flesh and
Blood We Birth as Creativity is only
A Word of Song Away and a Step of Dance
Still to come as Morning Light Fertilizes again
The Dream of Fruition Still to Come to Give and Share more..
Yes i Remember still the “Never Ending Story” and all the Little Boy Had to
Do.. as i Believe He was about 7 Years Old Maybe 8.. Yes.. All He Had to Do then
Was Scream to the Top of His Lungs ‘Moon Child’! And then the
Labor of Love Will Be Over as EarthQuakes Come Still
And Raging Waves of Ocean Become even more
Still as Glassy Ocean Eyes of God come to
Rise as Love Once Again in Peace and
Harmony of Waves that and who
Spread so Much Joy and
Love Across the
Ocean Still
So Calm
With and as
the Peace and
Harmony of Love
that and who only Exists
to Deliver More Love to the World
in all the Ways Arts and Sciences come
as it is in a Moment of Embrace as Nirvana
And Bliss Never Ends a Valentine Wish in one
Second for a Big Bang of Love To Never End for all
iN Equal Bliss of Love Yes to Give and Share even more..
“More Than A Feeling” as One Rock Group Named “Boston” Sings
And “Don’t Look Back” too as Lord Knows that Song was Playing
When i was Truly First Touched Really Touched by Love and
then of course there is a Song by the Same Group Named
“A Man I’ll Never Be” But no one Should Ever Give up
On A Dream to Be Whatever Woman and or Man
They Wish to Be.. Wow those Were Great
Songs From When i was Just 18 Years
Old With My First So-Called
Lover as Such
When Young
Love Does
Love
Never
Aging
Ever
Aging now when
Real For True i Feel
That Love is Real no
Matter What God Feels the
Growing Pains of all the Labors of
Love and Grins a little Bit until God
Smiles all the Way Across the Skies
And Beyond iNFiNiTY whenever wherever
and however Love is Birthed as Real and True
What a Lovely Child You and Your Future ‘Perfect’
Lover Will Create a Child of Love Perhaps a Son always
as the Nature of Love the Face of God Smiling Beyond iNFiNiTY
Where Space and Time and Distance No Longer Exists Just the
Moon
Flower
And the
Moon Child of Love
Wow only if i could add
all those Songs as an option
to Listen to with all these Words
But Wait! There is “Legends of Love”
And there is YouTube and Copy and
Paste in Multiples of more than one Song
Oh Lord Thank God Love on the Internet Never Disappears
Grows Old or Even has to Burp or Throw up Online hehe.. Yes
True No Dirty Diapers to Change Nothing Messy along the way
And A Figure as Pristine as Katrina’s Still and of Course Yours too.. hAha..
Unlike ‘Trump’ i do not use Numbers to Rate Love Only String Theory and the
God
Particle
of Love
will
Possibly
Rate Love..
For it’s True online
Making Babies of Love
May Be Different as there
are ‘thots’ Always Circling the
Globe Just waiting to Be ‘impregnated’
By other ‘thots’ Circling the Globe that
and who come into Alignment So Fresh
And Clean What they come to Deliver is New
Works of Art that Express Love so Much more..
Wow
isn’t
‘Internet
Sex’ and
the Delivery
of Love Babies
of Art Great too..
anyway something to
Do until ‘the Perfect’ Man
Greets and Meets You and Gives
You so Much more than Words Will
Ever Bring Yet True there are Feelings True
too.. Senses that come From Words too.. And
Gosh
there
are so
many more
‘Thots’ to come
As Somedays Love
this Way Seems to Last
Forever and a Day in a ‘Never
Ending Story’ that Feels this way
as True Lovers
are the
Legends
That and
Who Refuse
Everything yet
Delivery of Love more..
Until Love Graduates
And Gives even more..
Anyway there
is one
thing
Left
to Say:
HeLLoVE
How Do i Know For
if i Hugged You on
The Midnight
Beach
With
Only
You or
i am Your
Best Well
Wisher At
Your Wedding
Hugging You There
The Feeling is the Same
SMiLeS
i Do
Believe
i Finally
Earned
My Wings and
i will never Have
To go Back to
Hell Now
How
Wonderful
It is to Have
At Least one
FRiEnD to help you
Never Go Back to
Hell the Place
With No True Love…
The First And Last Flower
Moon Traveled Far Seeing
Millions and Millions of
Flowers Look Above
Taking the Moon
For Granted
When it
Comes
Always Counting
On the Sun to Rise
For Light and Warmth
Until one Day A Special
Little Flower that some
Took For Granted as
Well Looked Up
At The Moon
Seeing So
Much More
For this Flower
Saw the Moon as
Star Equal And Even
Greater to the Sun for
A Way Beyond Even
Visible Light that
Touched the
Flower that
Looked Like
A Little
Flame to
The Moon
But You See
The Moon Like
No one Else Saw
And Still Sees The
Magnificent Size of
The Little Flame
Flower’s Soul
The Moon
Could
Not Speak
So the Flame
Flower Became the
Moon’s Voice not
Only That Spirit
Heart and Soul
Too Hence
The First
And Last
Poet
Is
Born
The little
Flame Flower
Is the Moon Flower
Who Blooms Night
And Day in Eyes of Moon
“That’s” ‘Why’ ‘Haters’ make
me Laugh And Lovers
Make me Smile..
oh God iN So
Many Ways
THaT SMiLes
Do Go And STill CoMe NoW
I am so happy for you Lala.
It is inspiring to see what you made out of this really bad situation.
A lot of people give up… but I’m glad you endured the pain and found your true self.
Your poems and posts always gave such hints but i didn’t want to ask…
It’s good to know that you’re in a much happier place now.
Will wait for happier poems of self discovery now..
Good Luck!
“WHITE SHADOWS” Story of a white pearl that turned
to ashes while waiting for a phoenix to be born inside her !”
“What’s Next”
SMiLes Lala Rukh Nice
To Hear From You Yet
of Course Even Nicer
To See You Expressing
What is inside You Again…
What Stories What Songs
What People Do We ReMeMBeR
Most of Course
What Touches
Us at the Lowest
Points of Our Life
What Helps Us Rise
Up Again Out of the Ashes
to BREaTHE Wings of Phoenix
Out of Fires of Life That Burn So Numb
DarK
Abyss
of Soul
To Come And
Go As LiGHT ReTuRNS
“Firework” By Katy Perry i Attempt
Not to Use Songs Over Again in the Poetry
TheMes And MeMes Free i Create For Real Yet
In the Winter of my Soul in Early 2010 That Place
WHere Soul of Love Hears No Story, No Song,
No Love of Human Within Or Love That Tries So
Hard to Break Through By Loved Ones Still Breathing Love
And Surely No Dance AeonS AWaY From Dead Soul Within…
At A Gym All Covered in Jacket So Cold Ear Plugs a Cricket
Sounds Like Freight Trains of Misery Street Lights At 3 AM
Looking Directly into the Sun of Pain Not Even Able to go Outside
Left Breathless
By The Environment
of Nature Free Even
Stumbling into the Backyard
Having Trouble Making a TV Dinner
Not Even Able to Play A Game of Tic Tac Toe
At The Peak of all the Pain and Numb A Song Comes
On the Radio At the Gym as i tried everything to escape
Pain And Numb Nothing Would Work to Feel A Drop of Soul in Hell…
A Voice Song Soul Distant About a ‘Firework’ of Soul Just one Drop of Life it Brought
to Soul From A Distant Spirit Powerful Enough to allow the Devil one Drop of Hope….
SMiLes my FRiEnD the Song Comes BacK NoW to Save A Nation From Dying Soul
For i am Reborn as You are Now Phoenix RiSing From ASHeS AGAiN Your Freedom
What You Always Desired Most Becomes All Yours And No one else’s to Control
And Now
An Entire
Country Waits
To Be Healed With
Fireworks of Love for Truth in Light Again…
Hehe still Trying to Finish Publishing the other
MacroVerse Yet Soul won’t Wait on Mechanical Cognitions of Life…
Be You Be Art
Be Life
Be Free
Yes Do
Breathe With
Wings Fully Spread With No Fear
i See You in your New Home Fresh
Rose Risen From Thorns FLoWeR
You Are Now Free Dear Lala Rukh So Proud of You
So Happy For You Keep Soaring Yes Keep Shining FRiEnD
Be
Firework
Wings Live BREaTHE Free..:)
Hi Lala.
Hearing from you always cheers me up, even though the news isn’t always good. My reflex is to say I’m sorry about the problems you’ve gone through, but I don’t think I am. I can see that though some pain persists that you’ve put them behind you and have turned them into opportunities for growth. I admire you Lala.
I’d wish you the best for what comes next, but life isn’t like that. There’ll be more struggle, more pain and more growth.
The Buddha said “Life is suffering”. Nietzsche said “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”. But I think what a Sri Lankan friend of mine named Naji once told me is perhaps more apt for you. He said “Allah tests you in flames but protects you with love”.
Be with love Lala. It’s always with you.