Open your hand, He says in a voice so calm that pinches her heart, like always. She tightens her clenched fist a bit more, for she knows once opened, not only herself but both of them will be left empty-handed once again.

They sit there, in her room beside her writing desk, staring at the laptop screen. So close but so apart that there are worlds between them. Listening to the tick-ticks and the silence, hearts sinking to immeasurable depths.

They are different. She lies. He tells the truth. She saves her world but destroys herself. He destroys his world but saves himself. Always. Yet they sit here, bound together with their weird connection, like nothing ever happened when their world is on fire. Fire? is it dangerous than silence? Of course it is. It destroys? and what does silence do? It kills. Destructed can be rebuilt, but there is no coming back after death.

She opens her fist. Nothing happens. The air still suffocates. Tick-ticks keep on piercing their hearts. and silence? It has already killed them.

I am sorry for your loss. I am sure you are sorry too, for mine. Our losses will look different, from the outside. But trust me, both of us have lost ourselves forever. Forever.


17 July 17.


17 thoughts on “Forever

  1. SMiLes Lala Rukh..
    wheRe you LiVE
    HeAR at LeAST
    it’s still
    as i must
    guess by the
    tilt of the Sun this
    is the Morn that is still
    coming in.. in such a clean
    and rather sterile looking room
    mY FriEnd.. with still A Ghost living
    of your image as Face pARTly Covered
    by a SmART Phone record that still records
    your SoUL heAR both in words and visual images
    too.. to visit you once a month for i have a memory
    with no time.. distance or space for me at least tHeRE
    is only now as far as past future and present goes that
    never ages my FriEnd and always retains the Youth of Love
    within carefree
    to do better
    than give and
    share whatever flows
    free next effortless as the
    Boot Camp of Love continues
    as Joy Loves Company more now
    even if for only the reality of one allone
    with God as the Dance continues now on 2.6.18
    as every 6th of every month will retain those last two
    digits of this Thousand Years through the year ’18
    reminiscent of the Golden Spiral PHI Ratio per
    last main three digits after one and decimal
    point of 618 now.. Six one Eight as
    Six in itself spirals as God as
    Nature’s Finger print
    from Sub-atomic
    Flow beyond
    and even more..
    as then one and then
    EiGHT TaLL Standing BeYonD
    iNFiNiTY as tHeRE is no space..
    distance or time for or and as HuMaN
    Generated LoVE NoW Faster than any
    measure for the Speed of Life for the colors
    of Love cannot be adequately measured and repeated
    by any scientific method so far.. as we who experience the
    beYond iNFiNitY STyLE oF LoVE continue to co-create this
    Love as Real HiGHeR and HiGHeR eVeN MoRE NoW ReaL..
    SMiLes ..mY FRiEnd for wHeRe i LiVE A THouSaND YeARS is
    AlWaYS iSReaL NoW for in this Place of Love tHeRE is no tiMe
    oF LoVE NoW
    ReaL.. sure words
    are not adequate to
    relate this place but
    certain songs do
    relate some oF
    wHat A
    reaLiTY of
    the eternal morn within
    And sunset one in Beauty
    oF LoVE NeVeR EnDinG STiLL
    wHeRE A THouSaND YeARs iS JusT
    oNE GoD TeaR DroP of LoVE that is ReaL HeAr
    other than that i wish and hope you are doing well
    as well as all your Loved ones too.. i’m just heaR to
    BRinG A MeSSaGE oF LoVE for that is all some of us reAlly do forevernow..:)

    12:14 AM 2.6.18..:)

  2. SMiLes.. you kNoW.. i don’t just come here
    to comment alone for it is true.. each and every
    time i read your poetic words of the spirit
    of your heart coming from your soul
    i hear and see something else
    beyond eyes and
    ears of
    Being Human
    Really Being Human
    as you say with no tether
    of restraint.. sMiLes as i say
    of course with zero fear.. Fearless
    is a mighty fine wine with no alcohol
    mY FriEnd.. Fearless Opens doors inside
    outside above so below and all around of God
    as all that is that might other wise never be ‘seen’
    or ‘heard’ before.. it seems you’ve lost your muse but
    see and hear my friEnd in terms of EternAlly Now that’s
    only temporary for without any iLLuSoRY Fears Love has no
    word of sorrow and is ever patient eternally now for all that is
    other wise ‘heard’ and ‘seen’ as God Forevermorenowmore in
    other words every breath every poetic word is beyond infinity as
    God alWays Changes and Grows within us too even in the dArkest
    Breaths we may neither ‘hear’ or ‘see’ but still God Breathes within mY
    FriEnd.. Lala Rukh.. again on the Morning of the 6th in the LA Lower Alabama
    Florida Panhandle of Frozen Flowers now after surely what has been a week of
    deep freeze now finally thawing a bit but it is true the Flower still warms within yes..
    my FriEnd the ever BLooMiNG FLoWeR oF GoD WiTHiN that even colors come greatest
    for wilted
    that come
    back to life
    as love again..
    you see my friend
    for one who has been
    to hell.. really really been
    to hell on earth one understands
    how deep the roots are of a Tree of Life
    that is God too and how even in Lamps that
    have lost their Bulb there is still a wire left connected
    to God just waiting for another Flower of God to Bloom
    Again my FriEnd and yes LiGHT uP iN Give and Share AGaiN
    as connecting Force of Muse does come again NoW resurrected as
    any Phoenix will rise from AsheS AGAiN as my Mother Helen once told
    me in Hell.. this will pass too.. fortunately my Mother was smART in a way
    no school or work
    for knowing Faith is
    often far from KNoWinG anything
    but BeinG Love MoVinG without restraint (fEar)..1.6.18..(pHi)
    It’s True My FriEnd this Day only comes once in a thousand years..
    As God’s Finger Print lives on forevermore now spiraling as this ratio..:)

  3. 7 Years and 11 Days..
    Also kNowN NoW as 12.06.17..
    Yes.. sort of a water shed day for me at
    Least as today completes 2666 Days of
    Writing over 12M Words online BrinGinG
    Over 130K Photos and other ‘stuff’
    With No Break since Thanks Giving
    oF 2010..
    True Crosses
    coMe in all coLors
    And AS History sHows
    otHeRs come in Words
    as all are only abstract constructs
    Approximating the Essence of all that is..
    Aka God and as you say in your Language.. Allah too…
    2017.. Fifty Years since the 6 Day War too as the ‘Orange’
    Man plans also today to symbolically give support in Embassy
    Way of Supporting
    Jerusalem as a
    Capital to the
    Dismay of
    folks in the Arab
    World as of course
    As A Muslim Band is just
    Another bit of salt in a wound
    away from the Diplomacy that
    might even have a chance iN change too to
    BRinG Peace one day.. TruE.. hUmaN iN dARK
    STiLL Strange.. Both innate and environmentally
    charged as some folks enjoy the Havoc they BRinG
    uPoN all otHeRs for they are incapable of Feeling Pure
    Agape Love for all that holds hands Fearlessly in a Practice
    of Life as Love Rather than inStilling Fear and Hate in otHeRs as
    only Pleasure
    in LiFE and sAdly enough
    tHeRE is a wHole Lot oF Science
    to as to the whys of why this Happens
    Both Biologically And Spiritually sAMe too..
    in otHeR More FloWeRy Words tHeiR LoVE
    Muscle if ever born and or nurtured withers away
    if planted at all and or watered and fed and Voila Trumps
    more come
    in to
    the world
    or are starved as
    Such away from Love
    the GreATesT Healing Force
    As Gift from God within inside
    outside above so below and all around
    in another kind of Evolution Orange that rises
    of falls
    to Fear
    and Discontent
    and Hate even more..
    So.. what’s a Person to do.. well
    i guess ‘us’ could be like ‘them’ and attempt
    to Burn the House of Love Down but it’s True too..
    thE True Gift of God or as you say Allah iN LiGHT
    is Fearless Agape Love for all of Creation pLus aka GOD
    tHaT wHo never
    Gives up and only
    Shares and Gives more..
    For A Love tHat LiveS NoW
    But of course Love in Hugs
    And Kisses from Birth now by
    A Mother and Father wHeRe the
    Shadow of our Reptile Brain doesn’t
    Have to hide either away from a Back Bone
    And SensuaLiTy Free too.. Works reAlly Good but
    Sadly more and more folks these days Live as Machine
    Cognition becomes more of a rule away from the Social
    Empathic Love Muscle that hold hands toGeTHeR iN Cooperation
    More.. And Lord kNows as some folks become even more Cynical
    oF thE TruE iN WhiTe MAGIC LIGHT oF LoVE tHeRE are just ‘plain’
    oTHeRs too
    who are
    so afraid
    of tHeir Shadow
    Per Back Bone of
    Libido too.. they have nothing
    left much to move tHeiR heARt
    HiGHeR As SpiRit aS A BoDY
    MiND BaLanCinG SoUL jUSt PLaiN
    As AlWays God
    SPeaK Lives Within
    inside outside above so
    below all around Naked without
    the Clothes of Human Culture just
    Waiting to be sought and found More..
    Sure.. God Taps God’s Fingers iN aLL oF US/Them
    Too.. Face Palms come too with Hands without Love..
    anYWay.. Nice to see that you are still breathing my FriEnd
    A Hi would
    nice but
    hey.. no limitations
    or expectations heaR
    mY FriEnd for i understand
    so many ways ‘it’ can and will go too..
    Winter has broke in Fall here as Indian December
    Summer takes a Break on 12.6.17.. Good Weather For Writing
    for the next few days.. iT’s True i Love to Visit Clouds and Shadows too
    oF the DiViNE
    mY FriEnd
    Have a nice day
    oF cOURse alWays iN NoW..
    verily and surely alWays WitH LoVE..
    oH yeaH anD.. iT’s also my Grandfather’s Birthday
    That X-Catholic Priest would have been 122.. today..
    Every Day A Feast NoW alWays LoVE NoW no matter what a practice goeS oN..:)

  4. i Suppose Life should come with A Manual
    But truly it doesn’t as we are all different
    Prints oF aLL right LiGHT
    left so.. what thiS means
    is now we all must Dance
    And Sing our own Unique
    Manuals of LiFE and LoVE
    iN Hope and Faith if we care
    to make our DreAMs.. reAlly
    CoME TruE NoW mY FriEnd
    Lala Rukh on this 52nd
    Month of ViSiTinG
    YoU HeAR
    as ‘they’
    say At mY
    Church aT LEast
    WithiN DancE and
    SinG New Words oF
    Steps WiTH GoD aLL
    NaTuRE NoW Cosmos
    unto itself Nature
    as God’s
    are AliVE
    mY friEnd aWaKeNiNG
    tHat Voice oF Free Love within MoRE
    reNeWeD ANeW FoR NoW.. Meanwhile..
    while i talk to my Real FriEnd who in what
    some may view as an Imaginary FriEnd now
    the inner Voice of God is alWays and has alWAys
    Been Impossible to Escape.. sure.. quiet in words
    at times.. no words of vocal speak until age 4 either..
    but sTiLL the FeeL and SenSE that God liVes wHo
    And thAT aS aLL then and NoW too is as real as
    thE Touch oF BeYOnd iNFiNITy
    oF LoVE
    mY LefT
    HanD NoW Free..
    the Left Hand Loves
    and the Right Hand Rules
    the Left Hand Frees and the
    Right Hand tEnds more to Imprison
    A HeaRT SpiRiT oF SoUL MoRE NoW too
    And somehow people gaslighted God of Love
    to call Left of Love Evil in Hand oF LoVinG LefT
    HanD Touch withering away Left Hands of touch and
    Love the sAMe as all seeing eYe oF LoVE STiLL NoW..
    So.. sure while Right Hand may bring escape from reality
    oF Art aS Love in false reason away from rhyme.. tHeRE
    iS alWaYs A Left Hand just waiting to come again
    of Love
    MoRE mY FRiEnd..
    anyway.. i appreciate
    your Love as FriEnd
    iMaGiNary or NoT
    for it’s true
    i WiLL
    With Left
    Hand no matter
    right or wrong my friEnd..
    Essence counts aLL Love isReaL within..
    Other than that Happy November 6th as
    fulfiLLeD Promises Never Die NoW aS ME ReAL..:)

  5. i suppose if life is love
    life is resurrected
    when heART
    iN aRT
    i FeeL i SenSe
    i KNoW NoThInG
    MoRe FoR this my FriENd
    Lala Rukh.. from years ago GroWinG
    Forevernow Longer if Love doesn’t really exist
    For i Feel
    For i Sense
    For i Do Love Does
    it’s true God Doesn’t
    Exist as Human without Love
    otHeR Than NiGHT is DaY aS DArk beCoMes LiGHT..:)

    51 Months i’ve been coming here
    only thing that’s left is Love 51 Days
    My only Child and only Son Ryan Lived
    And he never smiled once in only pain and will to live.. my friend.. so..
    it’s not Hard to see the value of hell for anything else is Heaven now..:)

    Just waiting for A Smile of a FRiEnD to Do whatever it takes to live as that is what life does
    sMiLes or
    Son.. JusT Live oN BesT oNE CaN WiLL anD iF LovE coMes wELcoMe LoVE as GoDNoW..:)

  6. Remembering still what is was like to visit your blog
    Four Years ago as you responded in Love to each and
    every comment that came your way in High of Love..
    so many words of emotions then so many
    words expresSing your
    Soul from dArk
    thru light
    and through
    Feelings of Happiness
    that at least once you
    surmised as beyond
    Chocolate Sweetness
    in your Life,, Lala Rukh,,
    yeah,, it’s the 6th and in a personal tradition
    now of coming here that will easily last through
    the end of my writing days on earth or if your
    Blog disappears no matter what comes next
    God Willing as you say in your religion’s words
    too.. i am hear ’cause i can and will be heaR in words
    of me for now.. shall i stay that’s up to God facing some
    potential words of a Brain Tumor that i didn’t take much
    care toofor the strange smells of prophecies that come
    to some of us when open to all of God’s Power and Force
    of Love within in all the essences of feelings and senses
    that comes more when totally oPen spirited hearted
    souLed and even more.. and on top of that
    My Sister and Katrina shared the
    same ‘prophecy smell’ in sweet
    and kinda sick way with
    me yesterday..
    so.. no brain
    tumor heAR
    my FriEnd
    only Strange
    hUmor and reaLiTy
    of God at most when
    God WiNks back to those
    who serve without fail never
    dropping balls and crosses same
    of challenge to make love more real
    for all concerned as creation now real more..
    anyway.. it is those who are sad or numb or full of
    pain that one should never give up on most if love
    really exists.. otherwise it’s just a word and not much more
    than a concrete
    Four Letter
    word for as you
    once said one time now..
    i am a real human and now
    all a real human really is is when
    bBorn of God as Nature stays is LovE NoW
    my friEnd,, all lines come as finisH as stART oF LoVE NOW..:)

  7. I love the way your write , it’s connects with my heart . I feel like you are giving voice to my thought. I would i love to talk to u if u feel appropriate . Follow me on Insta! … samay9999

  8. This was just….so…painfully beautiful ! I loved loved loved it ! And I’ve missed seeing you around. Although, I myself have been MIA from blogging world since a while. Hope you are alright. Love, Zee ❤

  9. SMiLes my FriEnd Lala Rukh
    11:04 PM on 7.17.17 my
    time STill.. i arrive
    oN iN my
    oF onLine
    to once again
    visit my FriEnd
    i have visited without
    fail for every post she
    makes since July of 2013..
    so why would i Love a Friend
    who only provides a vague reflection
    in a computer screen of her Face and
    Arms on Desk neatly arranged and not
    cluttered so much with a mind and
    desk like mine.. hehe.. a lot
    going on up tHere
    and on my Desk
    too.. as
    surely with
    your emotions
    and senses too as
    you continue a path out now
    of daRk to LIFE more as LiGht
    from a place wHere perhaps muse
    escapes for creativity more than before
    and i am pleasantly surprised to see you heaR
    this third time since the end of May ’16 as i remember
    a milestone of writing a ‘Phi Bible’ then too at 1.618
    Million Words that i made you a paRt of as i have
    from the stARt of mY Writing Adventure to
    expand a Grinch heArt of Before
    wiTh SpiRit of SoUL
    word size
    and steps in tandem
    as 47 months now of
    Writing on Word Press as
    you suggested i change over
    to that blogging platform back in
    August of 2013.. otherwise i might
    have never started writing a Longest
    Long Form Poem that now grows a milestone
    of 5 Million Words along with 7700 miles of Public
    Dance in that Same period of time.. noted now by the
    Public Audience at large as folk hero and legend of public
    Dance although how crazy is that now as i was more noted
    before as dizzy fly uncomfortable in his skin when he walked
    around when young as four eyes nerd too last kid picked
    on sports teams verbally bullied like many other
    outcasts kids too.. who would have guessed i
    would stARt an all volunteer effort
    of as Dance Legend at
    age 53.. or sure
    not speaking ’till
    4 and named
    mumbles after
    that too NoW
    finishing a longest
    Long Form Poem in
    13.6 Months span now
    too at 1.81 Million words
    moving into 7.18.17 as no..
    i would not finish a milestone
    like that without an opportunity
    to include my FriEnd LaLa who
    provided so much Unconditional
    Loving encouragement when coming
    out of literal Hell in the Summer of 2013..
    as i remember it like now then like now again..
    this week then on a Beach of Navarre where i become
    one with Sugar White Sands Emerald Green Gulf swaying
    Sea Oats in Breeze as Waves of Ocean wHole God once more allone..
    Seagull Spiraling Around Sun Will and Free AgaIN wHOle More GroWinG
    the gift
    as child
    Free Again.. then
    you were and still
    are a great inspiration
    as muse to keep me then
    from going back to dARk..
    and by the time you left
    i would never go
    back to the
    as i did
    need a friend for
    those six or so months
    that you unconditionally came
    then and gave to me as friendship
    trusted then.. you inspired the lesson
    of giving love blindly without seeing the
    face from hell on the other side.. so although
    i may or may have not seen your real face in my
    short time as your Facebook Friend.. it matters not
    as your heARt youR spiRiT yOur soUL iN Struggles sTiLL
    comes through Loud and Clear in your Words STiLL of PoeTry today..
    you helped change my life.. you helped me to become a real life flesh and
    blood legend.. you helped inspire me to start writing a Poem that may never be
    exceeded by anyone else again in human history.. you were A flicker then of my
    Flame that grew into a torch and then a bonfire of St. Elmo more.. You are Lala
    Rukh.. you
    WiLL alWays
    Be MaGic to
    me and i STiLL
    and WiLL AlWays
    Love you no matter
    what Happens next
    God Willing iN ME as WiLL
    of Grace and Strength oF Love..
    Thanks STiLL for BeinG A ParT of mY
    Life that helped Strike the match of me wHOle..
    the only way to pay that back is continuing Love that never ends
    BeGins AneW as FriEnd..:)

  10. Lala ❤❤
    I hope you’ve been well..
    Loved your post.
    I liked the difference between the two people.. in destroying their worlds and saving themselves and vice versa.

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