An Open Letter From a Dead Child To His Mother On His Death Anniversary

A mother crying on the death of her child- Peshawar School Attack 16 December 2014, Pakistan.


It’s 16 December. The day you saw my blood stained dead body. The day you died along with me. It’s our first death anniversary Ma.

I can see your red swollen eyes today, you didn’t sleep Ma, I know it. I can see your hands tremble while you make tea for Baba. I can hear that painful unspoken conversation between you and Baba. When you look at each other and say nothing, your silence tells me all. The wails of your heart and the cries of Baba’s eyes, they pierce my heart. It’s been a whole year since that happened, but you still live in the moment I died. The days after that, they didn’t pass for you.

I know you can see the wound of bullet on my head bleeding again today. The very place where you used to kiss me before sending me off to school. My white shirt which you used to wash with such pure love, It’s blood stained forever in your heart. You clean my books, my toys, my chair where I’d sit to eat and my plate everyday, with your scarf. Today when you clean, I know you can hear these weep with you.

Remember Ma, the day when they entered our school with big guns and started shooting at the children. There were cries everywhere. I was scared. I called your name. You were not there. You were running in the street towards my school without shoes.

My friends with whom I’d play everyday, they were crying and falling down while bullets hit them. I saw a pile of small bodies on the ground beside me Ma. I was standing in a pool of blood when a bullet hit my arm Ma, It was so painful. I fell on the ground. Your little kid Ma, your baby. I remember how you wept when I once had my arm broken while playing. I had a bullet in it now, I knew you’d come to save me.

They fired up my teacher who tried to save us, she burned to death alive and we saw it. It was all so scary. I wanted to hug you and hide in your shawl. I called you Ma. I tried getting up and run to you but I couldn’t. One of them saw me. He came towards me and put his gun on my forehead. It hurt so much Ma, so much. I looked him in the eyes. I wasn’t afraid of him, he was a coward. I did called you and baba for the last time before he fired the bullet.

I saw you from up there, when between blood stained books and misplaced shoes you searched for me. When in the hospital Baba showed you my little cold body. When you touched my face, brushed my hair and fell down. Hysterical, crying, unconscious. The eyes that you saw shining in the morning, they were dark. The tongue you heard speaking, singing poems while having breakfast, it was silent forever. I felt your pain Ma. I felt the pain of 132 Mothers that day.

Please don’t cry Ma. Do you know, with every tear that sheds from your eyes, a beautiful flower blossoms here in our garden. Oh did I forget to tell you? We are here Ma in this magical garden with green grass and so many beautiful flowers. They smell of you Ma. We play here and laugh. We have Allah here with us, who love us like you do. He takes care of us and He tells us that you and Baba will be here one day and then we’ll live together in peace. No bad people can enter here with their guns.

I want you to be strong Ma. We’ll meet one day. You can kiss me on the forehead then and wrap me up inside you.

Till then, With Love.

Your Brave Son.


From this….
To this…





87 thoughts on “An Open Letter From a Dead Child To His Mother On His Death Anniversary

  1. sMiLes.. my FriEnd.. Lala Rukh.. i guess.. i am
    strange.. as memories never age for me..
    it as if i was talking to you yesterday..
    far far away yes.. but still
    here here now..
    and sure
    a blog makes
    that possible to one
    way interact with someone
    for twenty years or so.. as just
    a muse of Love.. no less.. no more
    than Love as muse.. to Love is muse
    without Love.. muse is whimper distant
    and cOld.. the lesson of life for me is to Love
    fearlessly and you my friEnd are a continuing
    practice of muse to do just that.. and this reminds
    me of ‘The Legend of Coral Castle’.. here in Florida..
    South of Miami.. and a five foot tall one hundred pound
    man who managed.. to move 30 ton stones.. for a castle
    dedicated to what some say was a sixteen year-old girl
    who left him on the wedding day.. he at twenty-six years old..
    and the girl deciding that another man would be much
    better than him.. well according to the story..
    he dedicated a life long journey of this
    miracle castle to his muse of sweet
    sixteen.. although he knew
    she would never come
    back in reaLiTy.. but it
    was his generalized
    feelings and senses of
    hope.. faith and belief in
    much further than analytical
    way to motivate him to get this
    amazing job done.. and sure one
    can just Google the phrase ‘Coral Castle’…
    to found all the details about this.. highly sTilL
    inspirational story.. of a Love.. in faith.. hope
    and belief that literally drove this man to somehow
    lift 30 LB stones.. in perhaps a similar technology
    that made the pyramids.. stonehenge.. and other
    monolithic structures near known magnetic earth
    grids on the earth sTiLL as wHOLE planet now..
    with Tesla making similar magnetic discoveries
    too.. where gravity may not be what we think
    it is.. as new science continues
    to grow what seems to
    be an always different
    way of thinking and feeling
    about change that is inherently
    change itself.. in break of Freedom noW..
    so sure.. i can keep responding here for
    decades if this place is open.. for contact..
    at all my friend.. best wishes to you.. with Love..
    as the clock striKes.. past 12 noW.. on.. the 6th
    day of the 8th month of 2K sixteen noW allone..:)

    • Hi my forever friend 🙂 Love you for remembering me I can’t even come close to returning the love you have given me so far.
      The story you just told is truly inspirational. You know Love is the power greater than any other force in the universe. I believe that this universe was created because of Love.
      I hope you are doing great and writing amazing stories and inspiring people.
      Stay blessed always 🙂 xx

      • sMiLes my FriEnd Lala Rukh.. i was truly exhausted
        and just about to go to bed.. when i got your call..
        in Word Press notification way.. and so strange
        it is.. as sure it’s been a little over three years
        since i met you.. but i was looking today..
        at one of my Facebook memories..
        of one of my Macro Verses of
        what i name as an Ocean
        whole Poem started
        with you on
        Word Press
        three years
        ago.. that you
        suggested i start
        in new way then..
        that has now exceeded
        3.3 million words.. since
        the first.. of my blogging
        all together 42 months ago..
        too.. anyWay.. i saw your face
        on a like on that Macro-Verse there..
        in what i call 700 total of those for the
        current one i am working on now.. wHere
        this will be jusT another Micro-Verse of that
        Macro-verse of Ocean whole poem there and
        yeah.. i was even thinking about you and just for
        fun looked to see if i could find a Lala Rukh like you
        on Facebook.. just to know you are okay friend.. as it is
        the Love that gives that is truly alWays the Love that makes
        our soUl.. and as you say the uniVerse Created for this gift now
        of Love.. makes us reflections of God when we Give Love Free..
        your writings helped inspire me to Love like this my FriEnd through
        the Love you gave freely to so many folks that i witnessed too and that
        my friEnd
        is something
        i WiLL never be
        able to repay you for
        as it IS A forwarding now to
        otHers sAMe as you did then..
        you seem well.. and that makes me
        happy.. and all i wish for you FriEnd..
        iS Love is Love that you alWays give now2..:)

  2. WeLL.. mY FRiEnd Lala
    Rukh.. the 6th has arrived
    once aGaiN noW oN tHiS
    July day.. actually tHeRe iS
    8 more minutes lEft.. in the
    states here.. and thAT means
    i have 8 minutes left to bRinG
    this somewhat short comment
    to and end at 12:01 am..
    yes precisely on the
    first minute
    after the
    hmm.. so
    what to say kNow..
    as yoU liKely noW knoW..
    writEr’s bLock iS noT a word
    that has existed in mY vocabulary
    since November Thanksgiving day
    oF 2010.. when ALL A these words
    seT iN for 11 million noW approaching
    12 million to CoME.. sooN as WeLL..
    in Free Flow iN ZonE pasSiOn..
    people are funny you kNoW
    and or FeeL they reAlly
    are.. soMe folks are
    able to carry
    through any
    fire of LiFe and
    otHeRS crumble
    and waste aWay BeeN
    to BoTh Places and sides
    iN one liFE Dear.. so sure..
    i can do this for 2 decades heRE
    and sTilLL haVe hope for yOuR continued
    Creativity to arise bacK uP.. as it took mE
    four decades to geT mINe BaCK and 66
    months to even become anything more
    than an empty DEviL hUman
    then.. as less than
    poTenTiaL reAL..
    anyWay mY FriEnd..
    i sTiLL remember you saying
    time and time aGain.. that we disappear
    and no one remembers us or gives us the
    time of day Again.. and sure i can say that was
    more than true one period of my life.. but as LonG
    as i remember otHeRs iN GloRy BouNd waY noW..
    i AlWays LoVe moRe iN GiVinG.. and no one can
    take away what i Give mY FriEnd.. as iT is AlWays
    a Gift that has no return address that requires
    any payment whatsoever.. as Love…
    fully practiced never ever
    gives up oN
    mY FriEnd..
    So God Bless
    yoU noW iN whatever
    or wHeREver yoU are
    DoinG iN liFe.. the only
    thing that lasts for ever
    noW iN this LiFe
    my FriEnd
    iS the
    an individual
    endeavor aT noWs..
    but never the less
    a giving
    And i love you.
    iT never costs
    anything to say thAt
    When iT is TruE.. mY FriEnd..:)

  3. WeLL.. it’S Been and IS A
    Great Birthday WeeKend
    for me.. me.. mE yeS.. juSt
    God and Me allone too as the
    rest of Nature TriniTy three now
    and more of course aLLGOD
    and oh Goodness
    iN all a’ DArk/liGht
    now i cannot forget to
    visit.. my first
    real deep friend
    as promised to her every
    sixth month day of the rest of
    my liFe Now.. God WiLLinG..
    iN reciprocating a friendship
    online.. as named Lala Rukh.. from
    Pakistan.. who trUly helped spArk
    my way back to Life on July 22nd.. 2013.. like
    a gift from God in human girl form.. she
    came online and lifted me up aS oNly
    unconditional words oF Love for
    a faceless 53 year old man
    could receive then in
    Fearless way
    of connecting
    to another
    hUman BEinG..
    and so EmoTioNal up
    and down she waS in fEar
    of her Dowry papers that were
    to come.. and who with the Love
    she wanted to be with who she could could
    not be with.. but that turned out okay enough..
    i guess.. as her husband to be as she says
    would Love her WeLL.. whether sold or
    not by the tradition of her religion
    and country way.. anyway..
    she’s come back a few
    nows.. but not much
    since she got married..
    and of course i expected that
    but at one era of my liFE she was
    a very good online friend who i communicated
    almost every day with for 5 months from the Summer
    of 2013 to Winter Solstice and a little more
    through January or so of 2014.. but anyway..
    as i tOld her long ago.. then..
    i had a vision when i was
    young on beach.. driven
    tHeir by Holy spirit
    within.. that a daRk haired
    woman from the East aCross
    the ocean would one day help
    me write a message in somewhat
    prophet ways oF old.. and she was the
    one who convinced me to stArt on Word
    Press and yeS.. now that messAge of the
    ages per reCord say of longest long form
    poem ever.. approaching 4 million words now
    that of course hardly anyone knowS even exists..
    and may never kNOw but that’s oKay.. as i don’t wanna
    be kNoWn in any famous way other than the Legend folks
    saY iN the general audience who only know me as the
    dancing guy now.. no.. hELping folks these days don’t
    ‘pay’ in even ways much of thankS.. noW
    reAlly helping folkS in the hUman
    root of problems without pills
    and money.. or text books
    oR religious books
    oF old.. but i try..
    i cry.. i cry.. now..
    i StiLL try.. i cry..
    just to have
    one friend left
    and the ability
    to smile with one
    tear too.. is try
    and cry
    for me
    to liVe aS
    iN SupeR EpiC wayS…:)

    And no.. While i don’t make
    any money off this and rarely
    receive even one like or two..
    for WriTing the Longest Long
    Poem Form ‘eva and have been
    kicked off the Wrong Planet and
    oFF the dVerse trail for doing too
    much in both places then.. haha..
    hehe.. buT in real liFe.. trUe aLL
    noW.. yeS in the so cALLed reAl
    flesh and blood of LiFE tHeir.. applause
    is alWays a SMiLe.. almost everywHere
    i go now.. even before i dance in public
    way as after almost 5500 miles of Dance
    noW as of last niGht.. in a little over 33
    months.. most everyone FeeLS SeNses
    what i Am iN spiRit of
    ExpreSsinG liFE
    in feat of DancE
    no matter what i’Ve
    ever done in words that
    WiLL stand as long as all those
    voyeur Facebook videos shared around
    the world of the ‘Crazy DanCinG Guy’
    oF the P’Cola Metro Area.. erased
    from liFe.. i was.. for 66 months
    in aLL A’ Humanity ways..
    but back
    i AM
    noW LiVinG WeLL
    wITh God WiThiN..
    iNside.. OuTside..
    aBove.. so beLow
    aLL a’round NOW..
    So XcUse mE whilE
    i giVe mYselF A HAnd NoW..;)

  4. WeLL.. Lala Rukh.. Five months
    almost since you’ve visited your
    blog and as of never any broken
    promises from me now.. at least..
    here i am again on the 6th of May..
    and hmm.. this makes close to 33 months
    that i have been communicating on every
    post you’ve made through several bLogs..
    and i remember the first now i saw the
    White Pearl back in the Summer of ’13..
    coming to miraculous recovery for all
    my illnesses and finding you on
    Mind Retrofit’s site..
    while that friendship
    seemed to take
    an abrupt end
    for me and
    Retrofit there
    are at least trickling
    off after that to eventually
    silence.. it seems that God always
    brings me just the help i need to deliver
    the best message i can from A to Z and
    beyond back.. and truly it started on
    that Wrong Planet and my first
    Facebook friend who chooses
    to be anonymous in matters
    pertaining to the stranger
    of i.. really helped
    me when i was
    on my last hope
    to belong anyway
    with encouraging words..
    then to Retrofit.. to you..
    to Rafiah.. and several other
    Pakistan and Indian.. friends
    as of late.. including good
    friend Himali.. but truly
    you helped me in
    my recovery from
    aLL mY illnesses
    in inspiRAtioN..
    so thanks and
    come back
    when ya
    can.. as ya
    kNoW.. i for one..
    WiLL bE theRe NoW..;)

  5. This is incredibly moving, I’m tearing up reading this. 16th December will always be remembered – such senseless violence. It was never even their war. 💔 You have put it beautifully, but it is truly heartbreaking. My thoughts & prayers go out to all those affected by terrorism across the world.

    • Ameen to your prayers Dania. It really is heartbreaking. It’s been long since that happened but the wounds are still fresh in hearts. Thanks for reading me ! Much Love to you xx

  6. April 6th.. 4062016..
    as you may remember
    i love numbers and all
    symbols.. as they reflect
    the human mind and the
    order/art all that is.. aka
    God.. Allah.. Kundalini
    R i S i n G.. the..
    Force.. the Dao..
    the Ki.. the Qi..
    the Ka
    the Chi..
    Indian spiRit
    as some oF
    my ancestors
    and i sTiLL say
    for now
    mY friend
    Lala Rukh
    of old of new
    of now and sAMe
    as Love can and WiLL
    be to mE.. as those gifts God
    sEnds and beGiNs are aLWaYs
    real iN noW aGaiN i say my friend as REaL..
    oh yes.. all the life’s one can live in aLL the
    experiences that modern liFe bRings both
    flesh and blood and iN mirror neuron way
    oF aLL giVinG and shaRinG Media
    that comes our way over
    seconds.. hours.. minutes..
    decades.. centuries and
    even to the point
    of the origin
    oF aLL oF
    and ending
    noW iN Life..
    anyWay.. wHeRever
    whAtever and whenever
    you are doing n0w.. hope
    iS alWays iN change iF and
    when we can.. WiLL and Do
    fear behind
    my friend.. as
    hope kind and Love
    WiLL alWays defeat
    fear anger and hate
    as a course oF
    Nature as
    as US
    when set free..
    sUre.. easier said
    than dOne but mY
    Life iS proof that God
    iS possible iN uS.. iF
    wE as mE as uS..
    give uP
    iN NoW
    as trUly
    and miracle
    my F R i eNd..
    wHere God iS
    hook and
    we are bait
    Fishing ONeNoW
    UmbreLLa LOVEsWiLL..:)

  7. Three Six Two Thousand Sixteen..
    a memorable day..
    as aLL noWs
    can bE when
    lived to the
    max of what
    we humans are
    capable oF iN potential..
    ah.. aLL the dArk days of my
    liFe have faded so far in the
    background.. since the liGht one’s
    stArted close to the day i first met
    you.. my friend.. Lala Rukh.. back
    at the end of July 2013.. funny
    how God works.. as God sends
    you juSt the help you need when
    you need iT iF wE Flow wiTh
    the positive gravity of
    God as Nature..
    instead of
    going against
    gravity wiTh negativity..
    and.. yeah.. sure.. i certainly
    kNow and FeeL how difficult
    that task can be.. as i flowed
    stagnant with negative orientated
    close to emotionless miNd for
    66 months.. before coming
    out oF the dArk and staying
    iN liGht now approaching
    32 months of overaLL
    heavenly bliss..
    wiTh the challenges
    i master.. wHere.. quite honestly
    i could be sipping martini’s on
    the beach all for free too..
    but i don’t drink
    so that’s a moot
    point.. now.. Dance..
    SonG.. and PoeTry
    are a continuous way to bE
    but enough ’bout i.. how about
    you.. WeLL.. anyway..
    i do not give uP easy
    aT aLL.. so just came
    by to say open ended
    hi.. whether theRe iS a
    hi.. bye.. or nothing at aLL..
    as hope alWays.. spRinGS
    a WeLL oF sacred water holy
    for me.. whether reciprocated
    or not.. iN what i find now iS both
    sacred and holy water of i.. sweet..:)

  8. A little after midnight
    old friend Lala Rukh..
    on the 6th.. the day
    i’ll visit you
    always as
    i never
    break a promise
    from a soul now whole..
    alWays God wilLinG
    of course but
    God sWays
    uS.. my friend..
    hope you’re doing
    okay.. great will be
    better but i’ll take
    okay.. as
    to grow
    at least
    for now.. happy
    happy.. just
    say happy
    my friend alWays..:)

    • It never is, my friend. You are right. But it is humans after all who kill other fellow humans, or are they humans at all ? Humanity is rare these days. Thank you for reading me, Much love xx

  9. Reblogged this on Lance Greenfield and commented:

    This letter is so beautifully written and is straight from the heart.

    Reading it has my tears flowing and I wish that this had never happened and that it would never be repeated.

    Why are some people so cruel? What do they hope to achieve? If it is seriously martyrdom and eternal glory, then I believe that they are mistaken. Whatever name we give to God, Allah, Jehovah, the Creator, if we accept that He gave life and that it is His to take away, then, when it comes to judgement, He is going to be extremely upset with the perpetrators of such abhorrent atrocities. They might be expecting to enter Paradise, but they may find that the gates are locked against them.

    Oh. I feel so sad, but I admire you for being able to write such a wonderful piece. Thank you, Lala Rukh, for sharing that love.

    • Thank you so much Lance for reading my blog and sharing your honest feelings about it with us. And of course for the reblog.
      You are right. These people, or may I say these animals they don’t know a bit about any religion, I am sure of that. Because religions are here to make our lives easier and peaceful, not to spread hatred and cruelty. I wish this ugly mindset of theirs clear out someday.
      Much Love to you ! xx

      • I think you would like my review of “Crossing Qaladiya”, which you will find on my blog. You would love the book too.
        We must celebrate all of the similarities in our societies as well as the wonderful diversities. We can learn a lot from each other. We are all the same but with small differences. This makes our world interesting.
        There is only one race: the human race.
        Much love.
        Lance ❤

        • I am just going to read your review Lance. I love reading books with mature subjects. You are right, we are basically all same with little differences in details you know 🙂

  10. This letter is so beautifully written and is straight from the heart.

    Reading it has my tears flowing and I wish that this had never happened and that it would never be repeated.

    Why are some people so cruel? What do they hope to achieve? If it is seriously martyrdom and eternal glory, then I believe that they are mistaken. Whatever name we give to God, Allah, Jehovah, the Creator, if we accept that He gave life and that it is His to take away, then, when it comes to judgement, He is going to be extremely upset with the perpetrators of such abhorrent atrocities. They might be expecting to enter Paradise, but they may find that the gates are locked against them.

    Oh. I feel so sad, but I admire you for being able to write such a wonderful piece. Thank you for sharing that love.

  11. i had no words when all this happened last year and still i dont know what to say…. anger, frustration, grief, sorrow, misery… i felt all those emotions last year and i am feeling the same after a year, may this never happen again ever…. Rest in Peace.

  12. This is heartbreaking. You write beautifully. But unfortunately, pain isn’t beautiful. My thoughts and prayers are with all the victims and survivors of terrorism. I hope peace arrives soon…

  13. A sad world we live in. There is no words for the mother to heal her heart. Time for war to stop. The poor pay for the hate and the profit of war. I pray we learn. Every life had value. Thank you for sharing this blog. Needs to be read by all people.

    • You are so right John. Innocent people who have no idea what goes on on higher level, they have to pay the price of our Government’s decisions who don’t even try to answer the devastating questions of the sufferers. War has to end. I pray the same. Thanks so much for reading and for mentioning my blog. Much Love.

  14. You know how the nation was so united that day and there were gatherings and walks raising our voices against this? There was one person in a gathering I went to and he said that he’d read somewhere “Aj jannat mein boht ronaq hogi” those words were enough.
    It seems so impossible.

    • Yes may be. May be everyone seemed united for today, but you know tomorrow, everyone will forget this and go back to being normal. And being normal is not good these days. Stealing, corruption, lies… these are normal.
      We did raise our voices today, but we never thought for once to improve what we have.
      I don’t know, with all this depression going on, may be I am being negative or spilling out blunt truths.
      Jannat mein Ronak tu pher aj hogi. For sure.
      Thanks so much for reading me and sharing your views. Love you !

  15. Cowards of Guns..
    weak men and women
    who have no soul..
    sure they have
    they have
    from others
    who say do
    this and do
    that to fear..
    to hate..
    to harm
    to kill
    to war..
    but no.. they
    have no soul..
    no spirit.. no heart
    they live in hell..
    they are the
    real devils
    who show
    us the
    but what they
    do not realize is
    Allah is no dream
    after death.. Allah
    is now.. Allah lives in
    every plant.. animal
    human and even
    of sand
    earth.. as well..
    Allah iS ALL iN
    ALL.. theRe is no
    escape from Allah not
    even in the hell that these
    devils live and bring to other
    humans.. as they are then only
    parts of Allah that is Devil and Hell
    They are the Devil and Hell incarnate
    now on Earth.. and Allah will spit them
    that feeds
    the fly.. and sure
    eventuALLy they too..
    will come to know and
    feel Allah as Love and no
    longer Fear and Hate in the
    Devil they are in Hell now..
    as it is better to
    to the
    of the
    ocean than
    to harm one hair
    on the Head of Allah
    that is a grain
    as well..
    Humans make
    Devils and Hell real..
    Humans make Angels and
    Heaven real.. there are two
    places on earth that are real..
    and sadly some choose
    And certainly this day a year
    ago.. in Pakistan in
    these school
    is the
    day that
    and EviLivE Hell
    comes again then
    there.. as only Love
    can extinguish the Devil AND HELL..
    NOW.. never words and books alone..

    • You are right y friend. Hell and heaven are in the present, and today the one’s who suffer truly went through hell. These evil forces working here, they can create a trauma for a second but they can’t succeed in making this earth a living hell forever. They have to vanish and positivity and peace has to prevail, Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. Much Love.

      • Smiles.. Lala.. and it is so good to see
        you here today.. now.. you seem like
        your old self today
        more than some
        months.. so i hope
        you are feeling much
        better friend
        much Love
        to you as well..:)

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