Untitled Again ! (Because titles are not enough to portray feelings)

1525495_844168108942583_1391142967_n

 

This is a photo of a boy from Syria who is sleeping next to his father’s and mother’s grave. I am gazing at this photo and I am crying so hard and so loud. I don’t know why… May be because sometimes you need something to initiate a spark inside you that allow you to let out what you have been collecting inside for a long time. You wrap your pain in layers of fake laughter and smiles and indulge yourself in the colors of this mortal life and at one point, all your tries of faking it dash to ground. You come out as the same weak personality that can’t even carry the weight of itself. The burden of problems and pain seems unacceptable;e at this point.

I had no idea I’ll write this post and I have no idea now what I am writing and where it’ll end. I just want to be real, for a while, for some seconds in front of a crowd and yet still in front of no one…. A crowd who don’t know me and a crowd to whom I owe no expectations and may be that’s why this crowd do more than I expect from them, always. Expectations are the things that create all those differences all those problems, No ? We’ll be happy on what we’d get if we don’t expect and yet here we are, expecting from others even more than we can do for them. Isn’t it funny ?

Sometimes my heart and mind needs a break. While engaging myself with this so called ‘life’ I sometimes get tired. At that time I want to run away from life for a while, I need to take a break from the artificial and live the real, I want to breathe in fresh air at a place where I can find no trace of my ongoing life or I need to sleep for a long time, very long time when no one could wake me up. I want to hide from the people who say that they love me and care for me, why ? I don’t know. I want to be invisible and see what these people will do when I’ll be no more around them. It’s not like I don’t know, but I want to see that.

I guess I have started liking this miserable condition of mine. May be that’s why when people talk of positivity and hope and happiness, their words don’t seem real to me. As if no such things exist in nature, as if they are just performing their duty to make a miserable person in depression feel better. No, despite all your words of support I am still standing here with the same hopelessness and empty hands and I have no positive thoughts.

Was I sent to this earth and given a life for this what I’m doing ? The world would be a far better place without me then why did Allah sent me here ? Any particular reason ? There is no answer. He wants to tell me but I am not ready to listen. There’ll never be any answer till the day they’ll be pouring mud all over my lifeless body. A body made of mud going into the mud. That’s the rule. That’s the truth.

And I am still crying…What should I do to stop this ? Any magical tablet any treatment that’ll stop all this chemical naughtiness going on inside my head ? There must be something that I’m missing…. But what ? My fingers won’t get tired of typing questions but your eyes will get tired of reading. I can’t do any good for anyone, I can’t make anyone happy. This task is not made for me. And that’s why I can stay happy.

And yet I portray myself as if I am the most sad pitiful being in the world. I don’t see that Syrian boy sleeping beside those two graves. What would he be thinking ? I know he is not sleeping, he just can’t. How can he ? He must be thinking about those four hands of Love that once used to hug him and slide their fingers through his hair, those two pair of eyes that had nothing but pure love in them and those arms that protected him once like no one ever can. They are sleeping now under layers of mud and he is still here, fighting with a fierce thing called life….fighting to protect himself from being eaten by life.

I don’t want anything from life…I just want my senses to get numb. I just want to stop thinking and enjoy a peaceful sleep, Is that more than enough ? I can now understand why people use drugs and alcohol and why these are forbidden for us. I have lost everything, and by everything I mean ‘everything’ that can’t be described in words.

I wished this writing might help me out but it hadn’t. Don’t know why. I don’t need pity, I don’t need ‘I am sorry for what you are going through’ and I don’t need “I can understand” because trust me, you don’t. No one can. No one has. No one ever will. I just have to live with my damn self.

Advertisements

66 thoughts on “Untitled Again ! (Because titles are not enough to portray feelings)

  1. Hey my little sister! πŸ™‚
    Yes the picture would break many hearts and for obvious reasons. I do know this feeling of wanting to run away from those closest to me and have wondered many times how life would be if I wasn’t in it! What makes me sad is knowing you feel this too, because I know how it tears at the heart and all rational reasoning. Being Bipolar one of the things I tend to do is shop! Lol It’s crazy but it lifts my mood so much as does cupcakes!! Now don’t laugh little sister as it’s true! Haha πŸ™‚ I look for the most beautiful colourful prettiest cupcake and then sit down with my tea and indulge. You are so beautiful inside and out and it’s okay to say that sometimes life is just too darn hard. We don’t have to always be positive because life isn’t just all fun and games. There will be good days, rainbow days, hail days, stormy days etc etc. Take one day at a time and always find one reason to smile before that day ends. It’s incredible how smiling can lift your mood. Love you little sister, take care. Hugs Big sis. xxxxxxxxxxooooooxxxx

    • It is SUCH a pleasure reading your thoughts after so long sister you don’t know how much I missed you. While walking everyday your words occupy my mind I don’t know why. I was worried too for you and I am glad that you are fine.
      You know you can understand me because you have felt the same kind of pain. I too felt happiness while shopping for my wedding and then when I’d think that I won’t be able to use these things with the same happiness, I’d cry.
      Food too makes me happy, specially the mouthwatering spicy one πŸ˜‰ OMG how good you understand me πŸ™‚
      Love you my sister…your words are written here in my heart…I’ll try to find a reason to smile daily…
      And I need you so please be with me through these hard days.
      Much love to you….Tight hugs. Love you so much xx

      • So you have now shopped for that wedding dress! πŸ™‚
        Try not to be sad little sister as some things in life we can’t change and this is your test to see how you cope. Life throws all kinds of unwanted things at us and it’s up to us whether we sink or swim! Love you very much too and think of you often as well. πŸ™‚ I would so have loved to see you in that dress! πŸ™‚ You are going to be so beautiful. I’m looking after my 4 year old nephew tonight so I have to love and leave you as I have to go pick him up.
        Have a great day and smile my little sister. Mwaaah! hugs xxxxxxx

  2. “I guess I have started liking this miserable condition of mine. May be that’s why when people talk of positivity and hope and happiness, their words don’t seem real to me.”

    True Lala. Don’t just buy into people’s words. Wait till you understand what positivity means. Wait till you long to be positive yourself. Wait till you accept your fate and positivity helps you do that. Wait till positivity becomes an attractive and viable option to live life. Wait till all this happens. After all, you are in full control of the change you want to bring in your being. You remember how I once told you that I don’t like giving advice and act as if I care more about you than you do? It is precisely because in grief and pain, no one’s words seem real and they stop making any difference.

    • Thank you so much sweetheart for the beautiful response. Ye you are right I can’t understand until I feel it myself…But I really need your care an =d love too. I was in a bad condition when I wrote it may be that’s why it sounds a bit selfish I guess. Love you for being with me and I hope you are passing good days ! Love you so much xx

  3. The most courageous thing a person can do is to be himself. In this plastic world… where people cover themselves with layers more than the no. of layers we would find in an onion… to know oneself and owe up to it, is really one of the most difficult tasks… I salute that you tried πŸ™‚

  4. keep writing, Lala. for yourself, for others who may be living parallel lives with you – total strangers – but not really for in the big picture we are all connected. when one experiences deep grief, such as the little one in your photo or what you are going through, humanity directly or indirectly becomes part of it. as i said before from an old saying…”and this too shall pass…” peace my sister. β™₯

  5. Such heartbreaking pictures show us what life can be like, Lala, we try to absorb the pain we feel, but we are only human, and the tears fall as we feel so helpless. No one person has answers to our personal hurts or to the hurts of others. We just continue, living our lives, to the best of our ability, trying to help where we can. Soft hugs to you, and my heart goes out to the little one, pictured above. xPenx

  6. you are amazingly frank when you discuss yourself! Pouring out your woes, fears, pains and apprehensions to your readers is not an easy task but you do it so effortlessly! Thanks for sharing your emotions.. someday you will realize the reason of your existence because you will become the axis of life for someone! I hope that day comes soon… and I won’t claim that I understand! Is dunya mein har shaks ko apne dukhon ki saleeb khud uthaani hai! And you and I belong to this world!
    As about the picture, Sigh! Even if it is fake as claimed by someone on your blog, it depicts the sufferings of people in Syria, the senseless killings and heartbreak. May Allah give better sense to the Muslim Ummah!

  7. sometimes feelings are hard to describe in words but you did it with this post, it seems that the words you spoke have been in my heart for a long time, but I have never managed to stay them out loud thank you for speaking them for me.

  8. Endless amounts of love and hugs for you sister! I can’t pretend I know what your going through or what’s going on in your mind. All I can do is pray for you and let you know that if you need a shoulder (well eyes I guess) I am here for you. Though I am sure a lot of people are telling you that right now. As far as your purpose goes your right there is no answer. From where I am sitting I can tell you that you have helped me in countless ways. From your kind words of love and encouragement to your amazing writing! Unfortunately I am not the type of person who just says things to make people feel better, I have been told it’s a flaw! Lol Put simply I tell the truth, even if it hurts! Though we have never met or spoken on the phone even, I feel you and I have special connection. Your kindness can’t be put into words, I definitely didn’t think it was possible to just communicate the way you and I have and actually find someone online I would consider a friend, but I have found that in you. That’s a pretty big deal to me. I don’t actually have a single “friend” in this ugly game we call real life, family yes a person to call a friend no. I actually talked about you in my second last blog. Stay strong sister! Lala you are a beautiful soul! God bless you and I love you soul sister! ❀ πŸ™‚

  9. When I looked at that picture, and read the first few lines there were tears floating in my eyes. They kept on floating there receding and returning till I reached the end. They did not spill from my eyes. Its not easy to cry.

  10. Ω…ΩˆΨͺ کی مہربان Ψ¨Ψ§Ω†ΫΩˆΪΊ Ω…ΫŒΪΊ Ψ²Ω†Ψ―Ϊ―ΫŒ
    Life in the compassionate arms of death!
    In the end reality this is a painting of almighty creator and artist. He would wants to destroy an evil spirit or giving a poor soul with some extra measures by taking back his parents in return of allowing him an easiest life which even we haven’t with our parents — but who knows!!!

    Positive thoughts come when we fight & resist negatives. Like we eat when we cultivate.
    Most of the people find a question while they dreaming; suddenly remembering their pledges to creator.

    And — what is happiness?

  11. There is a reason why God has sent everyone here, we can’t change everything, we have limitations so, we should try to do our duties. I think we should not be the reason for someone’s pain and if possible we should spread as much happiness as we can.

    I do get sad looking at these kind of pictures, there are thousands of these stories published everyday but I don’t think being sad can help, finding some solutions and working towards the problems will someday make the world a better place. πŸ™‚

    • It feels so good to have you here pretty lady…… Thank you so very much for stopping by and for all the appreciation. Coming that from a wonderful writer like you feels great ! I am honored πŸ™‚ Love and hugs xx

    • Yes I have seen the article Hadeel Thanks so much for sharing. I don’t know who spread such kind of lies on internet. Thanks for sharing the information. Love xx

  12. One of the greatest challenges of the mind is cognitive dissonance or a catch 22 situation…

    Where a person is damned if they do and damned if they do not..

    Obviously you have been living in that place for running months and months..of this literal human purgatory…

    No i cannot put myself in your shoes…all i can do is imagine tHe worst pain and or numbness i have had in my life and know that you live somewhere in this experience..per the overall negative affect and effect that it is…

    I think to myself what would i do if faced with a future..with a woman i had not met and expected to actually marry her and have the relations with her on the first dam blind date per se at the wedding altar….

    Well..i don’t want anyone even selecting a room mate for me..as the psychic energy of another person to live in the same household is always what i share..no matter what their mood…

    Your mind obviously to me is at the end of its rope..and at a place as you say .. that is simply not acceptable…

    It’s amazing what a people can be led to believe or do when a culture supports the unnatural practice whether it is female genital mutilation in some countries..or this dowry thing..that is great for unattractive males that have good economic credentials to provide subsistence..picked over by hunting parents….

    But basically legalized rape…and or prostitution in reality OF affect and effect.. for those individuals that do not need or want to go there..in that place of expected pleasures…for another person….

    Well all i can say..is.. why would anyone anywhere in the entire universe feel any different than you do now..

    Unless they were completely without self-respect…

    You do have that ..if nothing else..IT SEEMS…

    And part of why this is so cruel and horrifying..that your culture would support this..

    No matter if women eventually get over ‘IT’…or not….

    At least for you..your culture has provided you a ticket to hell..at this point..and before..for that date in February…

    It’s a great culture for the man who may be to unattractive to find a mate but has economic promise..to make secure subsistence..

    But it sucks for women..There is no other words that describes it any better for what i understand of it

    IN TOTALITY…

    SO SORRY YOU DO NOT LIVE..

    IN A FREE COUNTRY..THEN YOU COULD BE HAPPY…

    IT IS SIMPLY NOT YOUR FAULT..

    WE WILL BE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU…

    BUT I FOR ONE DO NOT EXPECT YOU TO BE HAPPY..

    AND DO NOT SEE HOW YOU COULD..NO MATTER WHAT YOUR PARENTS.. YOUR CULTURE..

    OR EVEN WHAT YOU ‘THINK’..ALLAH .. WANTS YOU TO DO ABOUT THIS..

    SOME PEOPLE KILL THEMSELVES AFTER BEING EFFECTIVELY RAPED..NO MATTER WHAT CULTURE CALLS IT.

    AND SOME PEOPLE SURVIVE..

    I HOPE YOU ARE A SURVIVOR IS ALL..AND EVENTUALLY ARE ABLE TO OPEN YOUR HEART AND SPIRIT AGAIN…

    SOMETIME IN THE DISTANT FUTURE.

    THAT WILL BE THE HAPPY DAY .. I HOPE FOR YOU…

    LOVEXX

    • Reading through the comments as I wasn’t ready to reply them yet but I decided to reply you because you have many misconceptions collected in your mind about my culture. Let me clear them out. First of all you don’t like the fact that parents select life partners for their children here. You’ll be astonished to know that I like this thing and I am not against it. I may be not happy by this decision jut because I didn’t get a chance to marry the person that I wanted. But there are many, In fact almost all marriages that happened due to this system and I can proudly say that they are living successful lives. And you know better about our culture that what happens there, people start looking for their life partners at the age of 15 and end up sleeping with thousands of people that they know after that they are not suitable for them. And most of the marriages still get unsuccessful and end up on divorce. The only problem in my culture is the lack of communication between parents and children and that’s all. And men are no exception to this culture nor is my husband non-attractive that he couldn’t find any girl but he had economical benefits to give and that’s why he got me, No, you are wrong here too.
      As far as the thing about dowry is concerned, I swear, my husbands family never ever demanded anything from my parents even they once said that we don’t need anything. It is my parents who are giving me dowry just for their happiness and satisfaction.
      I live in a free country or not but I Love my country and culture more than anything with all it’s problems. It is my country and I can die for it. The things I am facing are because of my thinking and my decisions and you are in a habit of judging things through my posts that I already mentioned not to do, please !
      I let out what is inside me at times without thinking that people like you can judge wrong. I apologize for that.
      I hope I have cleared things out a bit πŸ™‚ Thank you ! Love xx

      • Well dear i am simply going by what you clearly stated in your article against dowry in that published article that you linked in the other blog..you were clearly against it then.

        i am not a mind reader as you are suggesting you are for it now…

        i’m doing my best to help you and to support you but if you are not going to be honest with yourself..

        i cannot help you.

        • I am still against dowry my friend and I’ll never appreciate this act. I hate it. I was just clearing my situation in your mind that must be tangled up by now πŸ™‚
          I really appreciate your help and support and I love you for that. But I felt that your mis understandings are increasing that’s why i tried to clear them up.. Nothing else. I love you for all your support and need it too to go through my life.

            • Yes you’ll sure see it if you’ll read through your comment again. I hope I haven’t disturbed you with my thoughts. You know misunderstandings are dangerous, they should better be cleared up before they can cause any destruction. Hope you understand πŸ™‚ Love you ! Where is your’s ? πŸ™‚ xx

              • I was looking back at some of your old posts and comments – this conversation really opened my eyes. I will admit I was struggeling with your “loving”, “warm”, “postive” comments – I did not realize I was struggeling with them, but I see now I felt a distrust for your writing because there was such a big contrast with your responses to comments. But having read this exchange I feel I understand. You are warm and kind and respectful! You struggle being this for yourself, but you give it to others (even if they do not). My hope for you is that because it is in you, one day you will shine this light on yourself. (And now I have left enough comments for one day)

      • Though I don’t know all the history behind this response, as I haven’t been a part of this conversation, Lala, I really like the way you expressed yourself. And I would say to keep expressing, because I have a feeling that for you, as for me, self-expression right now is the key to our well-being . .

        • Thank you Sir for the supportive words, I feel honored hearing that ! Freedom of expression is the key to self development. My gratitude for appreciating me using that key πŸ™‚ My respects and Love.

      • Though I don’t know all the history behind this response, as I haven’t been a part of this conversation, Lala, I really like the way you expressed yourself. And I would say to keep expressing, because I have a feeling that for you, as for me, self-expression right now is the key to our well-being . .

  13. Hi Lala,the tragedy in Syria is unimaginable ,l have friend there .The Civilized world and UN are doing nothing to stop this atrocity (more than 100,000 innocent people have been killed) Arab are Killing Arab.Same religion ,same history same culture,same language.Its Heart braking picture .The Rich Arab are financing the terrorists to fight the Syrian Govenment.Since March 2011 there are over a million Syrian refugees in the neighboring counties.(Read my post The Syrian refugees are victimized).You have written a great post.Jalal

    • Yes Jalal I am not much aware of the detailed happenings in Syria but my heart for sure cries for them. I have already read that wonderful post of your’s Jalal. Many thanks for sharing your knowledge and for appreciating my writing. Good day to you xx

  14. Your piece went right through to my heart. Sometimes we feel our problems define us and we insist on wallowing in them because some part of us is scared. Who will we be without them?

    Maybe you cry for this boy because you cannot imagine being him, and that’s the thing with feeling alone in your problems.

    Even if you think no one will understand, there are still kind souls who will shed a tear for you, even if they don’t know what’s really going on. Human sadness is something that electrifies every single one of us, and we cry because we are reminded of our own.

    Stay strong Lala. >:D<

    • Yo are right Pretty lady ! I cried because someone other’s pain scratched my wounds. You are right there are people who understand and care. I wrote that article while I was suffering from extreme depression that’s why some thoughts sound harsh. I apologize for that. I’ll be strong if you’ll be with me πŸ™‚ Many thanks for sharing such beautiful thoughts and the support ! Love you xx

  15. Titles are not enough to portray feelings. Very true…

    You know what… Ek glass le… aur usme poore limit tak paani bhar de… then usme ek chotaa sa patthar daal de… Kya hoga? Pani chhalak jaayega na… Photo dekh kar shaayad tere saath bhi aisaa hi hua… Koi nai yaar hotaa hai… And you know I understand you… Right?

    Aur tujhe pataa hai, tere post karne ke just baad kya hua? Ek bandaa agli flight pakad ke Kolkata se Lyallpur (I like Lyallpur more that Faisalabad) aayaa… Aur apni pagli behen ke paas baithaa… Use lage lagaaya… aur… aur aage kya hua jaanne ke liye apna mailbox check kar le… πŸ™‚

    Abe! Padh kya rahi hai… Mail check kar pehle…

    Kiya?

    Good! πŸ™‚ Ab sun

    No one but you can understand what you are going through. No one but… No one but a person who can see through you… And in that case… the person becomes you πŸ™‚

    But people can support you… Unfortunately in this world… people can support only through words…

    You do matter my sister… You matter to the crowd to which you have directed the speech. You matter to the void which listens to you in patience… You matter… you really do. πŸ™‚

    • I have read your comments and your mail….I just need some time to reply brother BECAUSE I have no words right now to tell you how am I feeling after reading all those words. Tomorrow InshAllah πŸ™‚

        • Lol jis bewakoof ne bola wo waqi bewaqoof tha Kyun k me tu aa gae πŸ˜›
          I am sorry I was busy, you know in the preparations. Likh pher b leti hun kuch na kuch but replies wala kaam miss ho jata hai aur coming days will be busier.
          I don’t know how can you give such true and excellent examples but you are right, this is the exact thing that happened to me. Though ab kuch log keh ray hain k that photo is fake but pher b…..I felt pain and it scratched my wounds.
          Aur yes πŸ™‚ Me us banday se mili b aur batain bhi kin us se bohat sari…wo banda bohat acha hai usk words araam detay hain you know like a medicine aur ankhun se aansu aa jatay hain itnay dil ko lagnay walay aur effective hain usk words…..Bohat acha hai wo banda, itna kuch kerta hai sirf meray face pe mile lanay k liye aur me uski behn ho k usk leye kuch nae ker paati….Reply tak late kerti hun 😦
          And I know…you can see through me…..you understand. Thoe were the words that came from a person suffering from extreme depression….I know you people love me and care for me and I apologize for being un-thankful in this post.
          Thank you brother….Thank you so much. I read your mail koi 3 or 4 times word by word and felt it….I just had no words to say and I was weeping silently while reading it.
          I love you brother….for everything, EVERYTHING ! I just love you.

          • First of all, bahut bahut bahut saraa love… just for you sister… πŸ™‚

            Aur ab… you want to do something for me… To bol na… here is a list…

            Ek promise kar le… I know your life is going to change in a few days… But promise me my sister… You won’t give up the friendship… Please! Please continue writing… And in case that is not possible… please don’t loose contact. And if that too is not possible o sister… then at least please say a prayer for me… You know sister… life is a bliss only for those who have the right vision… And amidst clouds of expectation, moments of joy, fog of uncertainty lies a fear which is to be tamed… Pataa nahin main kya likh rahaa hoon but jo bhi hai… Life ahead is tough for me too… In the moments of crisis please be with me hamesha… Main abhi almost ro diya… pataa nahin kyun…

            Okay next one… a request… sincere request… reply to at least one of the mails… I know you are extremely busy… but please… agar ho sake to… before the day…

            Lastly… nothing… just smile at least once a day… asli waali smile… Reason? simple… because you are one of the lucky ones to see another day… and that god has given you another day to serve him… And upon that I know… tu hanste hue bahut achchhi lagti hogi… Aur tujhe dekh ke main bhi hans dunga… You want me to smile?

            Aur ho sake to mere blog pe aati rehna… πŸ™‚

            Aur agar kuchh na ho paaye… to tension mat lena… bus never loose hope… I will be more than happy…

            May you lead an extremely happy life from now… πŸ™‚ A tear just fell out… Sorry…

            • Many tears fell out from my eyes too while reading it brother kahan se laatay ho itna sara love itnay achay achay words jo rula b detay hain aur hasa b detay hain aik sec me ? πŸ™‚
              And I promie you I won’t leave writing here and I’ll keep in contact…Even If I leave this blog I’ll give you some other adress but I’ll never ever leave contact InshAllah. Aik e tu bhae hai mera itna acha me chor sakti hun kya usey ?
              Thank you for such, such beautiful lovely supportive caring words….Ro nahi I am here with you and you’ll have your sister forever !
              Aur tum rotay huay bilkul b achay nae lagtay I am sure about it πŸ˜›
              Replying to the emails right now….Actually you know I don’t know what to reply to the stories you have written for me. They are saved and I read them too often but I don’t know what to say in continuation… I can say thanks I can say this is beautiful but I am out of words to show how I feel Arindam I don’t know why . May be because I know you ACTUALLY know how I feel and you already know what I’ll tell you….
              And yes I’ll try t smile too…nae hogi tu tumharay jokes perh lia kerun gi πŸ™‚
              Aur tumhara blog to kabi nae chorun gi perhna…I can be late but I’ll come eventually.
              And I know you are here to care for me and give me love when I’ll be loosing hope….So I don’t worry about that anymore.
              Thank you … Thank you so much for your priceless love brother…. Thank you.
              Stop your tears right away and replace them with mile nae tu you don’t know that I have long nails that hurt so much πŸ˜› I often try them while fighting with my brothers πŸ˜›

              • 6 months pehle to bade ni the πŸ˜‰ Naakhoon itni tez badhte hain kya? πŸ˜›

                And regarding the mail replies… I just want you to tell me how you felt… I need words other than thank you… I need your feelings… Even if they cannot be contained properly in words… Tu koshish to kar… Baaki main to hoon hi…

                Tu mujhe jaadugar bolti hai na… Arrey pagli itna bhi nahin samajhti ki meri jaadoo ki chhari tu hi hai… tere words hi hain… Bewakoof kahin ki… πŸ˜› Pataa nahin kahaan kahaan se aa jaate hain aise pyaare bawakoof… πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜›

  16. Really touching… I must say you have a good heart.. and those words really project it. Even Im feeling something heavy in my heart after reading this. I thank god for everything I have. Thank you for writing this. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you Umadevu your thought are beautiful like you πŸ™‚ Many thanks for this real support and care I am sorry that I made you feel sad. Pardon me please πŸ™‚ Thanks so very much for topping by I really appreciate that πŸ™‚ My love to you xx

      • dear sister, your pain and demons, maybe i cannot understand as you cannot mine. but when you hurt, well, you cannot deny that others feel such pain even though not understanding. i don’t know how, but someways it helps to allow others feel our pain with us. i wish you only peace

        • You are right brother pain is always the same and I know that you care for me so much. I wasn’t actually in my senses when I wrote this and that’s why it sounds harsh. Sorry for that. Many thanks for your love brother.

          • dear sister, you did not sound harsh at all. in fact, i agree that there are times when we hurt so deeply that no one can understand. what i wanted you to know is that there are others who sense your pain and hurt when you do, just as i know other people hurt when they sense my pain. i did not want my reply to sound critical, rather brotherly and letting you know that we do not understand, yet suffer vicariously with and for you.
            something you had said about pain some time ago and your own struggle had prompted me to write this one piece back in December. i don’t usually write with one person in mind, but in this case i did.

            http://onelastwordb4igo.wordpress.com/2013/12/22/beyond-this-veil/

            peace to you my sister.

  17. Thank you for sharing. Your writing flowed as effortlessly as thoughts and feelings float in one’s mind and soul. The “positive” people you described probably work at keeping that attitude because the alternative is a taboo, deep and scary as a black hole. Thank you for sharing, it definitely felt real.

    • You are so right Marina and being positive is the best virtue ! People who can think positive are lucky actually. Thank you so much for understanding my writing and feeling the reality in it. Your comments and beautiful thoughts are very much appreciated. Much love πŸ™‚

  18. Hi, You said it all, Lala- no one can understand another completely, nor can the non-depressed understand or ever know what depression feels like. I know, though, because I share the problem with you, Lala, and you described it perfectly & with beauty. I thank you for that description because it really helped me to know that you know & understand the problem, like me, from the inside out . . . Sam

    • Thank you Sam, so very much for understanding what I wrote and for understanding what I didn’t. I am honored to receive this kind of support from you. Many thanks for encouraging me and for stopping by πŸ™‚

  19. Lala, I clicked the like button because the poor little guy, sleeping between his parents grave, let me know just how lucky I am. I hope he has other family and friends because he’ll need them more than ever. Where did you find the photo? A picture really is worth a thousand words.
    When writing of yourself and your battle with depression; I can only say your heart is in the right place and you will get through it. Eventually those little chemicals will resume their balance.

    • Yes you are right Bruce, these kind of photo make us realize what we have and what we can be missing…. I found that photo on facebook.
      Thank you for your positive thoughts about me….I am sure I’ll be fine πŸ™‚ Many thanks for your support !

  20. Sending you warm tight hugs Lala..don’t ever ‘ever’ tell yourself the words ‘pitiful’ nor anything other than beautiful and most of all? human. We are made to feel and through it? discover. Please keep that in mind always, Many of us will be here for you through it all and love you for being you. xx

Please share your thoughts, I value them !

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s