Preamble Of My Death Note

Bones in the Desert

You know some people, they are like barren land. Vast, sorrowful, grieved. The mud that forms their skin loses life and gains the gloom of empty, fruitless desert. They breath dry mud. Instead of blood, they have misery flowing through their veins. Barren land and barren people, both are hopeless. Unwanted.

When rain falls down on them for an instant, it gives birth to hope. A dangerous feeling it is. It kills with the most blunt knife ever. Hallucinate you with dreams and then break these with it’s own fist, into your eyes. The shards of glass cut through the eyeballs, blood falls drop by drop, for centuries. Yes centuries.

May be if hope wasn’t there at the first place, life would have been smooth. It is easy to develop habits and live by these, whether of painful moments or living forever in the dark. It is simple to go with the flow, with no flowers and sunshine, if one hasn’t EVER seen flowers and sunshine. Going back after taking a long journey is tiring. Really tiring.

Have you ever experienced the torture, when your fingers cry and eyes can’t ? When your heart yearns to vomit out pain but your eyes, they don’t let it no matter how much that sting. No matter how much your mere existence pricks you like a thorn. No matter how much you want to put a pistol on your head and shoot without any pause, but you can’t. You just can’t.

You feel lonely in the middle of a crowd. Rain falls from the sky but leaves you dry. Green leaves of spring turns to yellowish orange ones of autumn around you. Chilly winds suffocate you. You can’t breathe. In that moment, no one knows how much, HOW MUCH you want to close your eyes and die in peace.

But you can’t. You just can’t.

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18 thoughts on “Preamble Of My Death Note

  1. Well.. i suppose it is the 6th where
    you are at least.. some spare
    moments here to visit
    a little with you..
    whenever you
    care to come
    back here of
    course..
    and as i look
    at those bones
    again.. dry in
    sand and so
    alone.. i think of
    all yoUr friendship
    was to me and truly
    still is.. no matter how
    quiet those bones feel
    here now for me.. it feels
    too quiet here.. so alone
    somehow i feel your
    pain and more..
    but perhaps
    it’s ’cause
    i miss
    you and
    truly wonder
    this now if you
    will ever come back..
    i feel you will.. the difference of hope..

    Happy 6th.. my friend Lala Rukh..
    nah.. i have not forgotten
    you and will
    not
    and that’s
    WiLL my friend..
    a gift
    of
    moving
    forward
    now.. always.. with
    FAITH AND BELIEVE
    OR EVEN NO FEELINGS
    AT ALL.. MY FRIEND Now..:)

  2. Ohhhhhh Lala. These are such deep feelings. Very intense indeed. My hope and prayer is that you find the salve your soul needs, my friend. And please, please, please, if you ever need to ‘unload’ or talk or anything, please email me (stacilys1 at gmail dot com). I wish I could just enter in there are clear all the pain and guck away, my friend.
    Much love and hugs ❤ ❤
    Staci
    p.s. I will pray for you sweetie.

  3. “Have you ever experienced the torture, when your fingers cry and eyes can’t ? When your heart yearns to vomit out pain but your eyes, they don’t let it no matter how much that sting. No matter how much your mere existence pricks you like a thorn. No matter how much you want to put a pistol on your head and shoot without any pause, but you can’t. You just can’t.”

    ^ These lines define my current state.
    Overall it was heartwrenching yet beautifully written

  4. Lala, be alright. Be fine.
    And this piece, yes, this is horribly true and you expressed it in the best combination of words.
    Everyone goes through this and you know what? They also get over it.
    You will too.
    Problems and depression always dissolve in time. They always do.
    Wait for it.
    You know there are these lyrics that I really like from this song called holes by Passenger:
    “Well sometimes you can’t change and you can’t choose.
    And sometimes it seems you gain less than you lose.
    Now we’ve got holes in our hearts, yeah we’ve got holes in our lives.
    Where we’ve got holes, we’ve got holes but we carry on.”
    It’s a beautiful song with an uplifting message. Listen to it. It’s nice.
    And take care 🙂

  5. I’ve only felt such desperation and self-grief a few times in my life–the pain was emotional and as real as physical pain (I imagine). You describe it so well that I cringed as I read it. I hope that you find the salve or balm you need…

  6. True what you say but and a big but before this despair there were good times.. time changes and good will return ..In sad times we think it’s taking long because human nature tends to forget good times faster than bad times..

    Regarding the death wish well it will come when it comes.. and as they say she will be riding six white horses.. when she comes..WHEN SHE COMES..
    So why waste time waitig we have been given life first so might as well live it ..

    Take care of yourself. . And smile.. my best wishes….This will pass very soon making way to good time great times lovely times…then you will have to write a complete opposite post…

  7. This is just so raw. I could literally feel your words seeping underneath my skin and making me wonder whether we overstate the importance of hope. Perhaps following a script would be easier than going in tangents looking for whatever illusions hope conjures. Again, I wonder, was life supposed to be easy?

  8. Despair and hope are just flip sides of the same coin. Expectations. If you just live in the moment for what it is without telling yourself that things should be a certain way – especially a different way – you can leave that stuff behind.

  9. Well.. my friend LaLa.. you have felt joys in the past so there is the reality of the potential of those joys in the future.. that will likely come to pass again.. i for one believe.. FEEL.. after knowing.. FEELING you for these two years and hmm.. two months or so…

    Not everyone has that blessing.. as i just speak to another friend.. who has apparently never been able to understand how people feel joy in life at all.. as from an early history of childhood emotional abuse.. there appears to be no reference point for her.. but she goes on at age 40.. truly still doing incredible stuff in life.. as a survivor…

    The greaTest gift of GOD is our will to live.. some folks call the Serpent or Reptilian brain inferior as they THINK THINKING is better than emoTiOns of FEELING.. BUT OF Course AS WE FOLKS who have experienced the drought of tears KNOW.. with at least some reference point.. of crying.. and joy..

    There can be no lie further from the truth..

    as to feel is to human

    and to human
    is to Live..
    and never
    wanna
    die..
    alive..

    but others say it much than i..
    and perhaps at this point ‘the
    words’ may mean more
    than
    a few of ‘my
    favorite
    things’
    in
    YOUTUBE FORM..

    “Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
    Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens
    Brown paper packages tied up with strings
    These are a few of my favorite things

    Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
    Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
    Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
    These are a few of my favorite things.

    Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
    Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
    Silver white winters that melt into springs
    These are a few of my favorite things

    When the dog bites, when the bee stings
    When I’m feeling sad
    I simply remember my favorite things
    And then I don’t feel so bad

    Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
    Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
    Brown paper packages tied up with strings
    These are a few of my favorite things

    Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
    Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
    Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
    These are a few of my favorite things

    Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
    Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
    Silver white winters that melt into springs
    These are a few of my favorite things

    When the dog bites, when the bee stings
    When I’m feeling sad
    I simply remember my favorite things
    And then I don’t feel so bad.”

    There is a now when these metaphors
    of song have zero meaning to me and
    i cannot imagine ever writing
    a song like this
    of my own..
    but i did..
    and it’s
    11 million
    words long
    now..
    keep writing
    my friend.. it takes
    me 5.5 million words
    to get THIS back..
    but i LOVE MORE
    DEEPER than i
    ever have
    before..
    as
    i write the
    light.. and
    let the
    dark
    sINk
    back
    in
    the
    pit
    of
    hell..

    There is no formula i kNow..
    i FEEL of.. that works but.. move..
    connect and
    create..
    and more ways
    to do iT.. than i will
    ever move.. connect
    and
    create
    alone..
    the fastest way to
    death as life is
    to
    keep it
    inside..
    withOUT expresSinG
    iT.. moving.. connecting..
    in creative
    plaYinG
    ways
    of HUMAN
    SpiRit of
    emoTioNal
    HEaRT..
    wITh mind and
    body balancing
    soUl N0W..
    wITh other
    humans.. theRe iS
    no play of Life..

    just a lonely
    script
    of
    isolation….

    But here’s ThAT song..
    i’m almost sure you
    know it but
    i will
    hate it
    if you haven’t
    heard it at least
    once.. but at least
    i feel you have lived
    it more than once..
    and that my
    friend is
    not a gift
    my other
    friend apparently
    has the luxury of reference
    point for.. but it’s all
    relative in
    the game
    of
    human
    life.. that
    works best
    as plaYinG Life..:)

  10. So you mean to say… that your death note will have a preamble? Wo bhi itna badaa? To fir death note kitna badaa hoga?

    So you mean to say… that your death note will have a preamble? Wo bhi itna sad? To fir death note kitna sad hoga?

    Arrey… itna badaa our sad death note hua to padhega kaun? Upar se kaun se desert ki photo lagaa ke rakhi hai… uff… writer hai… sole aim hona chaahiye… to attract readers…

    Ab aisa kar… make this preable happier and shorter… flowers ki photo daal… and… ho sake to preamble me ek aadh gaane ki do chaar lines daal de… ok?

    Fir dekh tera death note kya famous hota hai…

    😛

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