Cracked Pink Mirror

girl-in-mirror

Holding a small cracked pink mirror in her right hand she would stare at her bald head for hours. Her lifeless stone eyes would feel focused and concentrated as if they were trying to break the mirror into pieces with their melancholic gaze. Left corner of her bottom lip was swelled with bruises and clogged blood on it. A similar kind of wound could be seen at the center of her neck near the collar bone. Sometimes when she couldn’t stare at the mirror, her hands could be seen scratching her wounds with her sharp nails. It was impossible for her to rest her hands even for a few seconds. That’s what her Mother would say, three years ago, when she would keep herself busy in doing unnecessary chores along with the necessary ones. Three years later, her habits were more or less the same.

Close your eyes and think about the happy moments in your life if you want to end your depression, a voice would echo in her head. She would close her eyes but she could see nothing except the haunting black darkness. You come alone in this world and you have to return back alone. At some point in life, every relation fades away from your life. It is you who are left, hanging alone between the sky and the ground. Just start living for yourself, the voice would continue. She would look around gently and smile. He would smile back. She never was alone.

Thick tear drops would come out of her stone eyes and get absorbed in the pillow when she would yell and cry her throat out. Her feet could be seen rubbing against the hospital bed. Her fists clenched, struggling with immense pain. Eyes, closed so tightly as if they would crack themselves from inside, like her cracked pink mirror. She had to go through the same, everyday for three years. Her cracked pink mirror wasn’t broken yet. He always gives you the amount of pain that you can bear. She sure was made tough enough.

It spread in her blood through her veins, like the same way love spread once. Suffering was the same. The only difference was that love used to kill her everyday while this would kill her once and for all. Waiting for death is awful. Waiting is always awful. Death on the other hand is comforting. It gives life. It completes the cycle.

Love was necessary, so were the departures.

White is life, black is death. Living in the shades of grey is always painful.

She has Him. Who knows He would hold her hand gently and walk her to the black meadows or He would let her rejoin white.

Only in the darkness can you see the stars.

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43 thoughts on “Cracked Pink Mirror

  1. the reflection from the mirror may have held your character hostage yet her inner voice reveals a meditative soul yearning the comfort from her Divine lover. well written, Lala.

  2. I’m glad you got to mix a little fiction in, because the reality sounds too hard to bear. How do people do it? “He always gives you the amount of pain that you can bear.” I imagine it being too much to bear, and someone would simply go through the motions for the rest of her/his life.

    • Oh yes mixing fiction was necessary as I would never be able to understand the pain Cancer patients have to bear… So I created the fake pain here that may be far less than the actual pain they bear. Thank you so much sweetheart for understanding the emotions in this post. Love you ! ❀

  3. Well..i just finished commenting and writing associated with a prompt on the Dark Night of the Soul..and your words will certainly fit that too..the day of that prompt too…

    To find that voice Allah in the darkest of night..is the only solace possible..but there is a darkness beyond that..and perhaps it is getting forgiveness from Allah for the times when we do harm others in this life..sometimes without full intention but never the less the hurt may still be same…

    i try never to harm someone as i know now for sure..if i do..if the next dark night of the soul comes..i too will have to repay that debt..once again..in a burning greater that any hell fire imaginable….no i do not want to go to Allah’s true human hell ever again..nor do i ever want anyone else to ever go where i’ve been..there..for sure…

    i always want to stay positive.. i never want to scare anyone about Allah..as no one needs to fear Allah if they do not harm his creation..with selfish unwarranted intent..but these days it’s hard not to slip up and just be human with errors true like this too…

    Karma is just the way it is..now and then..too..

    In my opinion that debt is always between the person and Allah..with never me to judge..the punishment or cause…

    But Karma..yes..Allah’s Karma i personally do know to be true..i stay in Sacred Love..and yes..that Sacred LOVE..does protect me from Allah’s Karma..in warm and true..so far away from the black meadow that does not see the white light..but not for eternity..surely for true….too….the light always comes back….to be with Allah once again…..

    As Allah’s forgiveness is greater than any human being forgiveness..possible.. forevermore now..it’s only Allah’s true human hell that seems like eternity..when one is truly there….

    My prayer’s are with your relative..continuAlly..and may Allah continue to shine down on her..through times of dis ease..and health true…:)

    Love you and you are truly back in Allah’s way through the words i do hear here..now..for true.. my friend..in Allah’s love..:)in Truth.

  4. You’ve captured the light and dark of death beautifully, and also the perspective of someone watching from the outside. I especially love this line: “Love was necessary, so were the departures.”

  5. I think I held my breath reading your words, as the sadness you painted took my breath away…so much pain in the world today…I wonder sometimes if it will ever stop repeating itself
    yes..you are a very gifted writer ….
    Thank you for being you and sharing your thoughts with us
    Take Care…You Matter…
    )0(
    maryrose

    • Oh my lady blue rose…. You are just love. Reading your words always make me feel exquisite. Love you for understanding my feelings by reading my writing. Thanks so much for always being here. Hope you have a bright day ! Love.

      • your kind words are a much needed smile Lala, Thank you from my heart…
        Take Care…You Matter…
        )0(
        ladybluerose

  6. Wow! I’m speechless Lala, with tears in my eyes. You really know how to paint a picture, my friend. It seems like you really have a grip on how painful it could be for someone in the winter of their life. It hurts so bad when I see a child afflicted by cancer, or any disease. It kills me when I hear of horror stories of abuse towards children as well. Ahhhh, the melancholy of it all.
    You are such a gifted writer, my friend.
    Blessings and love
    Staci
    πŸ™‚

    • My dear stacilys ! I must tell you that your comment always make my heart peaceful and make me feel so special. Knowing the fact that someone reads and understands, also feels what you have written always makes you feel good. I thank you with all my heart for being here with me. You are right, it hurts witnessing immense pain of others and knowing the fact that we can’t feel a little of it. I sometimes can’t figure out whether to thank my lord for myself or to cry for others.
      Thank you once again. Love you !

      • “I sometimes can’t figure out whether to thank my lord for myself or to cry for others.”
        –We can and should do both πŸ™‚

        You are a beautiful soul Lala. I enjoy reading your stuff. I’m so glad that my simple words of appreciation touch you and make you feel special. Because that’s just exactly what you are – special ❀
        Love to you and blessings always, my friend.
        πŸ™‚

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