Just Sorting It out.


Why can’t I think like normal people ? Why can’t I behave normal ? Why can’t I pass my day and nights the way normal people do ? What is NORMAL?

People change with time. No, actually their perspectives change with time. The way we see the same simple normal things in our lives. The way we react to the same familiar situations and the way we think about the tiny little details of life. Perspective is all that matter.

I was tired asking myself all these questions some time ago. I was mad for being normal. I was jealous of normal people. And now when my life has turned into a usual normal life, it feels boring to me. Now I have come to know what I have lost. I gave up a life of awareness and enlightenment for a so called casual NORMAL life. Huh.

What normal life is actually ? A life passed in a conventional way. A life in which you don’t question what, why and how. You just do what others have been doing for thousands of years, you just follow the rules. You run behind life without any aim and at the end you end like a puppet in the fingers of nature. When you don’t feel the craving to look behind things for their logic, for the reason of their existence. When you lose the purpose for which you were born at the first place.

I have seen people living that way, very happily. I mean they have their lives all settled and families to share their achievements and problems. People who lay down to enjoy a good night sleep at 9, at night and wake up at 6 in the morning. People who don’t need to cry every other day and people who can share their things with anyone they find. People who are friends with many people and they don’t have time to figure out who is the best one of them.

I am that kind of people these days. I mean not completely, but more or less the same. My mind don’t feel connected to the weird and supernatural feelings and my heart feels hollow and dead inside my body. I wake up, pass my day doing nothing and then I stare at the dark and sleep in the morning. I don’t think…. I seriously don’t. Not about who am I, not about why am I like this and not about should I live or die. And I don’t cry, literally I don’t !! I feel like my body has been boiling with thick foggy clouds and it will burst out one day. And…. I am bored ! Fed up of this life where nothing at all seems to be making any sense. I don’t want to be a puppet. I don’t want to be NORMAL.

Allah was the solution of every problem I had for the past few years but He has stopped looking at me. I may be responsible for that but now when I need to get out of this cursed life, I find no help. My hand is being rejected by Him since long. And I am tired.

This post was the only way for me to sort out what I really want and what is actually going on in my mind. My mind don’t talk to me these days either but I can trick it into writing everything down, which I just did. Sorry for what you had to read. Just forget it.

And yeah HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY to all my Pakistani friends.

20 thoughts on “Just Sorting It out.

  1. I think we are both normal and abnormal in our own ways. Trying to be any other way would just make us someone we weren’t meant to be. I hope you are able to find peace in your life.

  2. You are being way too hard on yourself. Everyone is normal in their way. More than being normal uniqueness matter I think. Same is boring anyway. You dare to be different do not call quits on it.

    I sometimes think the normal people you described here are nor really living they are faking reality, ignoring the beauties, and just getting by their so called life.

    Live free and live happy like really happy 🙂

    • You may be right friend, I guess there exists nothing like being normal. I have been treating myself hard lately… I guess I have to stop now. Thanks so much for being concerned sweetheart. Love you 🙂

      • You are welcome. And you call me a friend then you should know the meaning of friend. They help you get by. I am glad to be of some help.
        Try to be happy and shine with your uniqueness.

  3. Everyone is normal in his own way, there is no definition of normality. Only thing is how we feel about.

  4. When I last met Prof Sahni ( a Sindhi whose Father had migrated from what is now called Pakistan ) an aged gentleman who was a consultant to a leading educational institution, he mentioned that the three principal defining figures of the 20th century were, Alfred Einstein, Karl Marx, and Sigmund Freud, and that all three happened to be Jews. My own one-pence (extinct) judgement, all three were highly ABNORMAL. So even as the most exalted of psychologists fail in defining what is Normal, you actually by virtue of your frank blog output, belong to an ELITE league of not just achievers, but Do-Gooders.
    So let me also echo your words, only 24 hours too late depending on which side of the fence one lives, YEAH, Happy Independence Day !

    • Oh Sir ! Your intellectual words were informative as well as helpful. Being abnormal seems like the most normal thing to me now. Thanks so much for supporting me this way, always. I am honored Sir !
      And thanks, belated Happy Independence day to you too ! Have a beautiful day 🙂

  5. Oh Lala, what’s normal?

    You’re a human being, with all of the millions of different factors and variables that go into making each of us unique. If all of those things were average you’d be pretty damned abnormal.

    What creeps me out are the people who do appear normal. There’s nothing as normal as some folks pretend to be.

    You might be leading what seems to you to be a pretty conventional, boring life right now but trust me, it won’t last. In all probability someday you’ll look back on your time now and wish you could bring it back. Don’t forget, when a Chinese person says “May you live in interesting times”, he is trying to put a curse on you.

    Losing touch with the ineffable is pretty hard to take I know. It makes you doubt yourself and the purpose of your existence. It can make you think you’ve done something wrong or have somehow become tainted. All I can say is that when it happened to me for ten years I was ready to kill myself, but I didn’t. And when it came back it was more wonderful than it had ever been before.

    If you read the lives of saints and mystics you’ll find that most of them have gone through something like that when they feel their God has turned His back on them and they are lost or damned. Maybe a crisis of faith is something everyone has to go through. If their faith is real that is. I suspect a lot of people fake their faith just like they fake being normal. But I guess if you never had it you can never go through the pain of losing it.

    • I don’t know Cabrogal, what is normal. I just can’t stand people pretending normal to the extent that they seem real. I sometimes get confused whether they are normal or they appear normal.
      I was intrigued by the thought that many saints and Mystics went through the same circumstances… I am not a saint or a mystic but I am positive about this concept of my life…. One day I ll get back to the heights I guess….I am sure. I am hoping once again though it kills me every time.

  6. He says Remember me and I will remember you. (in surah baqrah). It is His promise. We ought to remember it always. It is the trick of cursed shaitan to make us believe that Allah is not listening or paying attention. Do not fall into his trap. Allah is always there. What all you need to do is summon Him and hand over your matters to Him. God bless you.

    • Yes Rafiah, verily, you are right. But you know sometimes we remember Him and He sure remember us too but He stops replying us back… This is where sometime we start losing faith but faith never gets lost completely. Faith is all we have to stick to His thoughts and InshAllah He will come back I am hopeful 🙂 Thank you for such a beautiful comment. Love you.

  7. Allah makes life a challenge and culture can take it away…or in some cases culture can make life more of a challenge…

    To truly be all we can be..i personally feel we must challenge ourselves..if life does not challenge us..

    Yes..i lived in the norm for around three decades..and basically did not live ALIVE..AS i do now…

    i revel in different..but YES I CAN get away with it..with my life..as i have the logic..and general intelligence to play with the borders of the social norm..and not get in any real trouble…

    AS ya know i like the word magicK..i find magicK..in my first philosophy class in college..as my mind opens
    up.. finAlly! exposed to the greater minds thaN the herd of life i am exposed to..in my fundamentalist area..

    of life…

    It is A feeling that eventually leads to bliss then..as i start to question..the magicK..which is really just the answers to the nature of ALLAH ALL ALLAH IS!


    THAT YES!..









    THERE IS STILL decades coming for your soul
    to ebb and flow..


    BUT anyway.. another long flowing..comment..that only requires
    essence for me now…

    as long as you stay hungry!

    Maybe tomorrow..
    maybe like me again..when your 53..as i too was 21 the first go around!
    of enlightenment 2!

    But once you are tHere..
    iT sTILL IS..


    SO i say..
    don’t forget your hunger


    • Good to know about your views on culture and the fact about magic in your life. As usual, great words and endless support of yours…. Love you friend !

  8. This resonated with me because I have felt something similar. I disliked myself for much of my life because I’m I’d say there are lots of things that make me different, my height (I’m a 6’0″ female), love of Japanese culture, obsession with video games (mostly RPGs), marriage to a man from another country, extreme emotions, and health problems (much of it related to a rare genetic disease Ehlers-Danlos syndrome).

    I have gone through various phases in my life. Sometimes I blend in quite well with others, and then there are other periods where it’s obvious I’m a social outcast. It wasn’t until my health rapidly declined that I started wanting to be normal. I am in the process of trying to embrace who I am, and find happiness. It doesn’t matter to me anymore if I’m normal or not. I just want to pursue the interests that are dear to me whether it’s normal or not. I made some friends through fanfiction that were just like me, and weird in their own ways. I guess that is when I realized, it’s okay to be me it doesn’t matter if I’m normal or not, my friends love me for who I am.

    I think my extreme emotions are part of why my writing is fairly emotive, and I focus so much on that aspect of characterization. Also, not sure if you know this, but Sylvia Plath rejoiced in her times of great depression because it inspired her and gave her access to thoughts she wouldn’t be able to find otherwise. Lady Gaga admitted she was doing drugs to help spurn her creativity, which explains some of her recent music videos. She’s trying to rehabilitate herself, but she mourned the fact that it would be more difficult to find her creativity without drugs.

    I hope you are able to find peace and inspiration to write 🙂 I listen to music sometimes to spurn my creativity or read the works of others. I have been reading a lot of short stories in literary magazines, and it definitely gave me some great ideas and encouraged me to keep writing.

    • Trust me my dear friend… My heart crushed Knowing facts about your life… You are not different, you are beautiful than others my friend. Your elaborate concepts about your life and the positive energy I felt in your words is wonderful. Love you for such a great support.
      Lady Gaga became every one’s favorite when she started being different, being herself.
      Thank you for such beautiful wishes… I guess I’ll find your comments as encouragement to write more 🙂 Love you and Thanks for being here with me once again.

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