“And yes, you moved on… So easily ! It didn’t even take you a while.”
He cries with a voice brimming with pain.
She sighed. That’s what she do when words cut like knives. Words… That are not actually words, but boiling emotions seal packed in some random alphabets.
“You say I moved on…. Yes,maybe I did.”
4 whole years of painful depression were quite enough for me to understand that ‘this’ is not life. Life is something else…. Something better. Four years, i prayed for you….. He listened to and replied to each prayer i made but this one.
“aur insaan shar ko aisay mangta hai jesay khair ko… Aur insaan bara hi jaldbaaz waqay hua hai”
Your ishq led me to His ishq… And i did kufr for four whole years by holding on to mere ishq e majazi along with the ishq of supreme. You taught me the meaning of love…. But you never knew it yourself.
The minute i stopped praying to be with you….He announced his descision….His will….His orders.
And now after just 3 months of my marriage i have learnt…..He is after all the best planner.
The person He gave me loves me….and this love is the sacred one…bounded in the walls of marriage.
Tell me one reason to hold on to you still… It doesn’t matter now who i love…. What matters is that i have to live…happily..for the persons who love me….for myself.
And i am happy…. Expectations hurt and i don’t expect. Life gives me a new surprise daily and i am accepting His will.
Your love lies inside my heart….like a bare thorn pricking and tingling the walls but it can’t come out…. My heart cries but there is someone now to wipe my tears off. You were not made for me…. Our love was forbidden.
And they say forbidden love teaches you the lessons and secrets which no knowledge can.
May be that’s why people pass their whole lives searching for Him while He lives so close to them…but they can’t “get” Him… He likes to be searched.
You say i moved on….
Should i continue trying to move on or should i hold on and fight with what He wants?
I’ll do whatever you decide.”
He stares at her with red stone eyes….
She spread her hands to pray for him…..
Love never dies but it can stay in the abandoned graves of heart….
She weeps and prays for him…till she return back to her “moved on” happy satisfied life…
Things have always been complicated for them….thet still are. Trying to solve these complications is the key.
She tried…. he’ll too one day.
“…….aur pher hoga wohi jo meri chahat hai”
………………………………
This post is not edited…. just wrote it on my phone and felt like posting it. I’ll reply to all your comments and start regular blogging in a while. Thanks to all of you who still read my useless posts.
White Shadows 
Lala. I know you from your posts, not much. But not less either.
And I can relate …
But I just hope these people you have written about are not you and your life,.
Coz if it is…untill the end all we can be able to achieve is “try forgetting”.. but never actually forgetting 😦
You are right Pamela…. Forgetting doesn’t always mean forgetting…. and sometimes it is impossible to forget. It is confusing. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and being with me. Love you !
Always will be dear.
Tc!
It is good to know you are finding peace…
May be yes…may be no. But good to know that you care. Thanks so much 🙂
all thoughts are meaningful…it doesn’t matter how someone else perceives them, it only matters they are from your heart ..everything else falls into place that way
I hope all is well in your world Lala..you deserve only the best of life’s heartbeat within yours
Take Care…You Matter…
)0(
maryrose
Only you can write such beautiful words with such beautiful perspective. Thank you so much lady blue rose. Love you.
USELESS?? are you kiddin’!
Your writing never fails to capture me! awesome-
Well then this is your kindness, not my abilities 🙂 Thanks so much !
You convey such meaning and intimacy with your words; Absolutely beautiful!!:)
Lots of love
Zara
Thank you so much Zara ! Love xx
For once, I am not speaking out my true mind because it will be the truth that you are hiding from.
But this post and feelings are precisely the reason, I think of girls as objects now. 🙂
elaborate your point please….
You are finding reasons to justify hurting and breaking the person you claimed to love.
wish i could comment ….
I hope you don’t think like that anymore 😛
i don’t
This is beautiful Lala. A real expression of a real person trying to deal with life and love and change. Maybe a little of ‘letting go’ as well. I’m sure you must be going through a rough time and an emotional roller coaster. I will pray for you.
Your story reminds me of a novella that was on here in Brazil back in 2008/9 (it was being filmed in Jaipur, India while I was living there). It was about a woman and a man that were arranged to be married to each other, but were both ‘in love’ with someone else; someone forbidden. It was tough for them to adjust, but over time they learned to truly love each other. Not the kind of “in love” that people now-a-day think is real love. That kind of love comes and goes. What holds firm is the love that you work at. It’s a verb. It’s something you do. Not that there will never be passion. But that there will be a connection, commitment and knowing, a security, a stability. A love that lasts and isn’t dependent solely on feelings or emotions.
Can’t wait to read your future posts dear. You’re an amazing writer.
🙂
Oh my friend thank you so much for such awesome detailed comment. I would love to see that film… what was it’s name exactly ? And yes struggling and letting go is a part of adventure called life. Thank you so much for showing care and reading me. Love you.
Hi Lala. You’re more than welcome. Actually, it was a TV novella. Which is like a 6-9 month tv story. I don’t think you can get it. At any rate, the name of the Novela is Caminhos da Índia. It’s also in Portuguese.
I think you’re a beautiful writer and I enjoy your posts.
Tons of love sweetie.
Staci
Dear Lala, we have been away for a while, but we’re back on track again. Granny has to activate her precious furriends again, so here we are 🙂 Your words are valuable..always 🙂 Pawkisses for a Great Day 🙂
Good to see you two beautiful souls again here 🙂 Hope everything is going well in your lufe. Love xx
You never deliver anything worthless, you are a treasure my sister. God has made you that way! You have a selfless genuine heart and spirit within and He will nourish you with a lasting love. You are valuable to many and will continue to be so…here is a poem I wrote to God, but it is almost like you wrote it also. Spiritual Hugs and blessings always Lala!
Thoughts Of You (God)
My dreams tasted of
heavens bliss last night,
as your spirit entered
Into my sleep…
My thoughts tasted
of your spiritual kiss,
as your image I sought
to embrace and keep
And not a second was really
wasted last night, as I
peacefully dreamed of you…
For in the morning when my
eyes had opened , my heart
happily received the reality,
of loving you so true.
Wendell
His love is absolute and never changing only getting better! Take care my sister and god bless!
Oh sir I need much courage to handle all this appreciation…. I am so thankful to you for these beautiful words. Your poem is pure and beautiful in it’s essence…..love is all we have at the end every time ! Many many thanks for your encouragement sir, means a lot to me !
i don’t really know.. but it seems still you harbor repressed feelings that are haunting you as such..over your first love..after all you expressed deep love and loss not too many months ago over that love…
Whatever words we apply to heart or beliefs..heart is real..and there is no lying to heart..the consequences i kNow all too well..are not pleasant when any part of heart is repressed…
I suspect it is good to get the words out to explore the heart..and you seem to be doing a great job of that here..as you did before…
This too.. WiLL..pass.. but not too quickly.. as you might wish.. i suspect…
The heart never dies..it never lies..but yes…
it hides…
And as far as seeking hIM goes..capital HIM..
HIM lies within..but always tells the truth..
once found
inside..
after Seeking HIM as such…
and then..HIM.never..ever
goes
a
way….
but
ONE
Sacred
XXLOVEXX
in onLY
my opinion..
of course…
Love you dear..
and my prayers remain
for you..and with you..
Friend…
Sometimes we have to repress…sometimes we have to express…. It’s just that we figure out and do right things at wrong times, sometimes !! Thank you friend for your thoughts. Hope you are doing well.
My sincere good wishes for your happiness Lala. Lots of cheer 🙂
Thank you dilip !
I LOVE YOU, LALA!
And I love this post. ‘Aur hoga wuhi jo meri chahat hy’. Pass gar supard kardo us ke jo teri chahat hy tou wo dega tjhe jo teri chahat hae… aur jo na maana jo meri chahat hy tou “thaka dunga tujh ko us me …jo teri chahat hy”. Phir hoga wuhi…jo meri chahat hae.
We can’t “get” Him, you’re right, He is just so close so close ke usey dhoondny ka sawaal hi ghalat hy. We search for him on mountains and hills and between people and paradises, jabke. Sheh-rag. Sheh-rag means something… khaer.
This post of yours means a lot to me.
I love every word, every feeling, every single message of it.
“aur insaan shar ko aisay mangta hai jesay khair ko… Aur insaan bara hi jaldbaaz waqay hua hai”..
Some people talk about love without knowing what it is. And those who do, like really do, they know how to treat it. =)
It was great reading from you! xx
Maria.
Thank you Maria for such beautiful comments…. It is your appreciation that matters the most and take me back to writing every time I leave it, you know that na ? It feels good to know that my words matter to you…. Thanks again so much 1 Love you.
❤
Stay strong my friend 🙂 I love your honesty in this blog and I have nominated you for a Liebster Award for your great blog. 🙂 You can read all the details here on my post to find out what to do next:
http://mardmod.wordpress.com/2014/05/05/having-fun-with-the-liebster-award/
If you have some time to spare, I would love to hear your response.
~Mardhiah
Oh that’s such a surprise ! Thank you so much friend for such a beautiful gift. Love you.
Moving On is a very subjective thing… when you think that u have moved on… that means you are still there… moving on is a state of mind… u want to move on… but you can’t because u know that some part of you would always be there.. in that past… in that moment… from where you so deliberately want to move on…
And its great to know that we will be reading more of you “in a while”
Stay Happy…I know you are trying really hard.. 🙂
You are right Harshad…. Sometimes you try to move on and you can’t…. sometimes it is just a state of mind…. You think you are still in past and here you are !! Thanks so very much for your comment and I hope you are enjoying a good life. Will try to catch up with your awesome photos 🙂
Please visit my new blog, hope you like it 🙂
http://ajaytaobotanicalblog.wordpress.com/
thank you so much 🙂
Just going to check it sir !
Oh thank you so much dear 🙂