Can You See My Fingers Bleed?

I was planning to write poetry or fiction for some challenge today and here I am, sitting, staring at my laptop screen with my vision getting blurred every few seconds. I wipe my eyes with my already damp hands and start staring at the screen again. I feel an urge to hug my laptop right now or kiss it. And I feel an urge to go out for a walk in the woods with my laptop and never come back to my real world.

I have got the best friends, brothers and sisters here with the help of this little box, a machine. Who knew machines would be understanding feelings more than humans, someday ? Technological advancement or Humanity decline ? I know If I’d cry right now, there would be someone sitting right beside their computer ready to embrace me with their words. I know if I’d share my darkest feelings and the most strange emotions there would be people understanding these without judging me.

Unknown people who have no idea who am I and where I belong, what my country, cast and religion is. People who just know that there is some soul out there, craving for their sympathetic words. Craving for the Love that real world failed to give it. Craving for the care that everyone wants, but doesn’t get it. Craving for someone who could listen, just listen to what it had to say. To listen to the rants of a restless soul.

The time I spent crying while laying in the dark, for 20 years is spent writing now. My fingers dance on the keyboard of this very old model, slow laptop and ‘words’ come out along with the silent tears. My tears cried for 20 years and it is time to give them some rest while I let my fingers cry out loud. There is a difference, no one listened to my crying tears but now everyone listens to my bleeding fingers.

No matter how hopeless and depressed my real life is, my virtual life is awesome. I got to understand life, happiness and care – Β The strange words which don’t exist in my real life dictionary. In this life, I am not a depressed bipolar soul….I am the queen of my world, my blog ! I walk here with pride, that my real life can’t snatch away from me. This is my world…The people here are my friends…My beloved online community is the best thing I have….And I am grateful for everything this virtual world has offered me.

Words can’t express my gratitude and Love but my tears can. And I know you can see my fingers bleed, while reading my wounded words.


Linking to Daily PromptΒ and Dungeon Prompts : Community. Head over to Speak Easy to vote for my story “Waiting for a dead promise” If you like it. Do read and vote for other awesome submissions too.

43 thoughts on “Can You See My Fingers Bleed?

  1. The Great Writer… πŸ™‚
    It is a mind that writing. As if, printed directly from the mind to the blog post. This article requires a free spirit, a lot of experience and quality of life. You have it all … πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  2. This post kept me hooked until the last line. first of all best wishes for your newly married life! secondly lots of love to you and thirdly and most importantly I am your fan! you wrote this piece brilliantly.

  3. Lala you have really proved how all that virtual is actually a Virtue-Real and all that real isnt real in deed.
    My love and hugs to you dear sis!

  4. Lala, you are in my prayers. You express your heart so beautifully. Know you’re not alone in your suffering. In fact, I posted today about a new book soon to be released by FaithWriters called “Trials and Triumphs.” I think you would relate to some of the 40 true stories in there . . . . Keep pressing on because God has a beautiful plan and purpose for your life, as already seen in your blog. πŸ™‚

  5. Beautifully written. Somehow writing through the ether and sharing with others we don’t see can be an easier without fear of judgement way to express ourselves, our fears our desires cant it? With this we tend to bear our souls, it’s somehow easier and words are so powerful aren’t they? I hope your happiness and support through the ether continues long. πŸ™‚

  6. It’s good to read so much understanding and compassion in the virtual world. I know too how that feels, Lala, but I also found out the opposite…like in real live..nothing is what it’s really seems to be, and that can hurt too. don’t worry, we are real πŸ˜‰ fantastic writing my furriend! Pawkisses Little Binky and Granny πŸ™‚

  7. I am sitting here on my side of the window that my laptop is. I hear your words. Your fingers are touching my heart.

  8. This is beautifully written and so true. How this community has fostered so much support, appreciation, respect and love. This sense of community has also allowed my “fingers to dance on my keyboard” and so pleased you are feeling this connection here. At first I thought it was my writing that was healing me…therapeutic…but the writing would mean very little without this community. Namaste, Oliana.

  9. Perhaps, everyone needs such companions. But people are willing to lend this kind of response in virtual world only. In real life, pride and ego in some harmful proportion destroy any such chance, most of the time.

  10. SmilesSmilesKeeps on smiling I received three mails last night… According to Indian time… at 2:29 AM, at 2:47 AM and 3:21 AM… And… and well… nothing… Smiles again

    Your fingers are bleeding? Bandage lagaa doon? πŸ˜› Water proof hai… Tere aansuon se safe rahega πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

    Now listen up girl… the queen of your world… those friends are always there (oh sorry… you already know that). A new life awaits you my dear. Go and embrace it with all you have. You will definitely make new friends on the way… You lost your friends in ‘real’ life na? Life is giving you another opportunity… Let go of your past… and embrace the future as it comes. When you make ‘real’ friends, they will be the most valuable assets of your life. May you get so much happiness in the real life, that virtual friends become virtual.

    Tujhe itni khushi mile jeewan mein ki us khushi mein naachte hue tu hamein bhool jaaye πŸ™‚

    Tab tere fingers bleed nahin karenge… sirf khushi ke gaane likhenge πŸ™‚

    Tab tak ke liye… presenting… “Johnson and Johnson Waterproof bandages” πŸ™‚

  11. Beautiful, and honest as always. Thanks for sharing this. I know there are many walking a similar path grateful for this community that we have.

  12. Written beautifully and with so much heart. I can only echo what others have said…we all have been there but it still doesn’t mean I fully understand. I can only speak for me, I have cried many times alone and did not reach out to the people that love me. Especially the past year…night falls and then day breaks and we all keep going. Sending you positive thoughts and even when we feel the loneliest…we are not alone.

  13. Such an interesting post. I completely understand and sometimes wonder how some of these online communities understand the word “support” so much better than the people we meet in real life. I remember the first time I ever commented on someones post–not here but on another forum–but I was so scared! But that began my learning of what it means to be supportive and the reciprocity of it. We come together in communities based on interest and can find those people we just don’t see in our day-to-day lives, to really discuss thing that matter to us… and it’s a really awesome thing!

  14. Hey beautiful! I am so sorry you have to feel this way. You are far to wonderful of a person to have to ever go through all that you are. You are a true kind soul! I count you as a good friend! You have always been there for me when I have posted on a trial I am facing, more so than some of the people in real life! I wish all of us who you have made such an impact on could be with you and hold you the way you have held us! God bless you sister! Endless love and hugs!!

  15. Allah ki bandi do me a favor. Rub your tears away and smile. Fetch that actual happiness for yourself, not some masked or artificial laughter thing. How?
    – live in the moment.
    – thank.
    – stop worrying about your future.
    – know that you’ve got a lot of people who love and wish best.
    – pray.
    It’s amazing how we find ourselves related with somebody else’ words. And how they connect. Best of everything for life ahead, Lala. πŸ™‚

  16. Lala, this is such an emotional piece. Extremely well written. That last line is so profound.
    Technology has also helped me “meet” so many amazing people and for that I am truly grateful. I’m still new-ish at blogging so I have yet to build a tight community here but I know in time it will happen πŸ™‚ Sending you loads of bear hugs and looking forward to your next post!

  17. Well…i searched and searched for caring words..on the millions of words..yes literally millions of words..while being completely disabled..and could really find no one that could see me other than seems..and that was for over 2 years….

    But yaH.. ya changed that.. as ya simply treated me..the way i treated everyone in the real world..when i AM well..

    Well..i’m well again..and better..than ever.. and even more caring in real life..with a friend to find in any stranger..where ever i my whole several hundred thousand people metro area…

    Question be..would this be me without ya..

    And i can only ya continue to bring part..
    more to life..than i thought was ever possible before…

    For some reason ya are magicK..and i do not
    ask Y…

    YoUr LOVE for others…IS every bit as important as their LOVE for Ya….
    Ya and many others are simply all others..and i hope as what i find in REAL LIFE..
    WILL eventuALLy find ya2…

    YaH.. i am ya bleeding fingers…

    But tHey do not

    LOVExx IS never ..saying.. ya sorry….

  18. sister, this is a very good and accurate write, not just for you, but for most of us. i had no idea what to expect when i started blogging in September, but truly this community has become a surrogate family where i can be myself in a way i cannot elsewhere. and as crazy as fellowship like this seems, i feel in friends like you and some few others that there is a true connection of family, as though we knew each other in person. you girl, are far more than your complicated problems, your spirit rises above and transcends your “hopelessness”, even when you don’t see it in yourself. and really, isn’t that the most important thing about this, not necessarily what we write or if our writing impresses anyone else, but that we forge connections of true compassion and care for each other?? peace be upon you.

  19. Oh Sweetheart, I want to hug you and hold your hands and tell you, “I understand completely!” Your frienship is a blessing to me, too! I love my tablet because it connects me to a wonderful new world of friends! XOXOXO &All my love to you Lala!

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