Cannibal

cannibal_butchery_by_joeytheberzerker-d5b91sz
Source: Joycreations.

His sharp knife pierced through the flesh and cut it to pieces at a single jerk. It was the lower part of a leg. Upper part was already cut. A head smoothly cut apart from the neck was laying at a corner of the table. Small pieces about the size of 3 inches each were arranged along the sides. After cutting the leg into similar pieces he put them along with the others.

Then he leaned towards the head and pulled out the eyes, one by one with the tip of his knife. He saved the eyes in a small glass bowl and licked the stains on his fingers.

After that,he pulled in some air, grabbed a big bucket in both his hands and started pouring a viscous red fluid into the bottles, one by one. When all the bottles got filled, he closed the lids tightly and put them one by one in the lower shelf of his almost empty fridge, a single half filled bottle of this red fluid was already lying there. Head was placed on the first shelf and finely cut meat pieces went on the middle ones.

——————————————————————————————-

He opened his eyes while laying under the blue sky and green grass midst a row of long trees. After his blur vision got clear he realized that he was present in an alien place. Wiping off his hands he stood up.

The last thing that was saved in his vivid memory was a fight with her mom and he ran away from home after that. “It’s been two days, she must be worried for me” He thought to himself, setting the school bag on his shoulder.

He gazed for a while at a light shining far away at the end of the long road and followed it. It was coming out from a bulb hung on the roof of a small wood house. He knocked at the door and pushed it inside.

The door opened with a sharp squeak. He glanced inside, a man was sitting on a chair. A glass half filled with a red viscous fluid was lying on the table in front of him. “Can I come inside?”

An evil smile occupied his face. “Yes kid, come in !” He said in a heavy voice and locked the door behind him.

——————————————————————————-

Daily Prompt:show us CLOSE.

This story is written for Write on Edge. This challenge gives us two options, whether to write about the quote or about the photo. I chose the photo. Click on the badge to see complete guidelines and to participate.

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49 thoughts on “Cannibal

  1. Setting aside my dislike of the horror genre, I thought the concept was unique and fresh and well planned.

    Some things structurally to look out for: repetition of words like cut, phrases like one by one, red viscous, these can be used for effect, but it’s a delicate thing to achieve. It’s kinda like watching a really gory video game. If every time you kill a zombie by ripping off its head and the broken spine flops about on screen, and you have a million zombies to kill in the first level, the repetition is going to desensitize your viewers, your readers. And you will actually lose out on building tension. Repetition for effect has a rhythm to it, that builds speed and momentum as the tale goes on.

    Be aware of the gore, that you’re using it to its full advantage. One of the best tools that a reader has is his imagination. If you’re spelling too much of it out, there’s nothing for his imagination to do. Remember the most “gotchya” scenes in horror films are usually the ones that are the simplest. The shower scene in Psycho comes to mind, even though that’s not strictly horror, but you get the meaning.

    Lastly, I actually think you held back, that you didn’t dig deep enough. I don’t know if that’s from the word limit or not. Your treatment of the cannibal was methodical, clinical, and of the child was innocent (almost too innocent, like I was reading a completely different story), but I missed the fear element. A heart jumping, gooseflesh, the tiny hairs at the nape of his neck, that foreboding sense that something isn’t right, the startled flush of birds that causes the child to jump back and have to calm his nerves…force your reader to feel these things by making your protag feel them.

    But that’s all I got. I’ll repeat, that I found the concept intriguing and that picture really help set the mood. And I like that the “bad guy” in this instance never faces a threat to his supper (except that he was almost out of stock) so very Rob Zombie. Well done!

    • Hey Shelton ! First of all, Thank you so so much for this, I really needed this. I am a new writer and I’ve started writing fiction just two three weeks ago and I crave for this kind of positive criticism that you have done here so brilliantly and wonderfully.
      I have noted all these points that you have mentioned and I’ll try to keep them in mind while writing the next story. I have no words to thank you right now. It would be a pleasure to have you again on my blog…. If yo have any spare time. Your comment is very very useful….
      Thanks once again for all the encouragement too. I felt honored to have you 🙂 And yes I now realize that I tried to make that bad guy a hero that won’t be acceptable for the readers ever 🙂
      Much Love and hugs to you…

    • Thank you Momo it’s a pleasure to hear beautiful words of appreciation from you. Don’t worry, the kid is doing fine in that man’s stomach 😉 Many thanks for stopping by! Love to you xx

  2. Well..yah it’s just fiction…
    but somehow i do not think i would wanna make you angry in real life…

    Maybe you are dracula rukh..and we just don’t know the full story behind ya…

    Somehow i’m seeing big canine teeth now… perfect for slicing meat….

    Just kid din…

    but i
    thought i’d dine
    with IT..;)
    lovexx

    But anyway…
    horror can be an excellent escape..
    for real life..
    diversion
    !..:)

    • Haha I feel o anger in hearing that 😛 I may be a Dracula or a cannibal or a zombie 😛 Who knows ? It’s just that I find these people tempting enough. Thanks so much for reading ! Love you xx

    • I can understand your feelings totally and I apologize for making you feel that way. It’s just that I love writing Horror specially that involves blood and stuff. Sorry again Ma’m ! Many blessings and best wishes for you and your son 🙂 Love you xx

  3. Oy, that’s scary! The vivid details you put in the first part makes concern for the wayward boy all that much worse. Excellent detail and excellent writing. This was really good.

    • Thank you Sir ! This kind of appreciation coming from a brilliant writer like you, means a lot ! Thanks so very much for reading and sharing your thoughts. My love to you xx

  4. OH MY GOD.
    Horrible, nasty khoon kharaba. :/ Eyes cut, fingers licked, eww. Very dark, jesay ke ap janti hyn 😛 though nicely written! Very nicely put, actually. 🙂 Kept me reading with horror and made me feel REALLY sorry for the kid. 😦

    • Hahaha Thank you so much despite the fact that you felt eww 😛 😛 I love things you know that make people do eww. Love khoon kharaba and khoon and cutting meat and stuff 😛 thank you so much maria for reading ad getting scared. love you loads xx

    • Lol thank you so very much sweetheart you made my day 😛 So glad to know I made you feel that way, my apologies 😉 Haha continue your drink please ! It’s not that red fluid 😛 Thank you so very much for stopping by ! Love you xx

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