My Nostalgic Winters.

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I hate the chilled winds of January. They are nostalgic to me and I am not a person who can enjoy nostalgic moments sitting on an easy chair with closed eyes. It makes me cold like ice, I mean the nostalgia. The winds do the same except that they affect the body alone.

Wearing two sweaters, jeans and a shawl I sit alone sometimes in my lawn looking at the green leaves and absorbing the warm sun rays in my body. I feel calm and often start thinking about the life I left behind far away. The life that was everything to me once.

I ate food made by the hands of a woman for four years. Living in a hostel it was difficult back then to ponder upon the facts of reality. I was involved so much in myself, I couldn’t see the others. She was a kind of woman about whom people use words like sign of bravery. I never saw her crying on her miseries. She had 5 children, two daughters and three sons. The elder one was about the age of 15 and the younger one was only 5. Her husband died four years ago and she was left alone with her kids to face this zoo filled with humans, animals don’t hurt they just bite.

Her relatives snatched everything that her husband had left behind. The house, the money in bank and even their daily use electronics. She wasn’t so rich that she could spend on lawyers and police. In these circumstances, the only option left for her was to leave the place where she sang songs of love and peace, once. I don’t know how but she managed to get a job in our hostel. She had no home by the time. She and her children used to sleep in the kitchen.

After some months she was able to start the vehicle of her life once again. Children were admitted to the schools with low fee.I miss her youngest son the most. I still remember him coming to my room and saying, “You promised to bring me candies”. I never forgot to buy candies for him every time I came home at weekends. He knew many stories about where his father is. Sometimes he’d say he is in the market buying toys for me. I never heard from his mouth that his father’s dead.I don’t know his mother told him those fake stories or he made them up.

And when everything was going smooth, she was diagnosed with cancer. A chilled gust of wind took away their virgin happiness once again. Her daughters were given the responsibility of kitchen and she started visiting the hospitals. She had no money to spend on her treatment. Just when she was losing hope in her eyes, she heard of a hospital in another city. She went there and by the grace of God, she was treated well. In developing countries like our’s, these kind of hospitals which treat the poor free of cost are considered as miracles. She is having her treatment done these days.

I always wondered why don’t she cry at her miseries. How can she bear so much pain without complaining? While listening to her stories I used to weep but I never saw her eyes wet. Sometimes when a big tears comes out, she wipes it with her hand and continues again.

The last time I met her, was a crucial time. We had our four years of education completed and following the rule of life, we had to leave. She was standing in the door. After putting my luggage in the car I came back to say a final goodbye. I couldn’t speak. Tears were stuck in my throat and words disappeared.I saw tears in her eyes. She came towards me and hugged me and I listened to her….she was crying. I was crying too. There was a difference, She cried in front of me for the first time. She kept crying till my car left. She was left behind. I moved forward. But the vision of her crying eyes was saved in my mind. It is still saved. It’ll be saved forever.

Those moments still bring tears in my eyes. She is more than just a memory to me. Memories can fade but true feelings can’t. They come out of your heart every winter season and haunt you. Chilled winds and abandoned feelings don’t make a good match. They never can.


67 thoughts on “My Nostalgic Winters.

    • Thank you Vanessa ! I am not directly in touch with her but my friends who visit the hostel occasionally tell that she is doing fine πŸ™‚ Thank you for your concern, Love xx

  1. Your words resonate in my heart! I think it is amazing you can touch me so. But I wonder – can you feel the warmth I feel towards you. Can you feel that there is more to you than your sorrow. I see a shimmer through your words of somebody who can see the love, the strength, the beauty and who knows they do not need the foil of contrast of that which is sad. x

    • I can feel your warmth dear lady and yes I can feel that there is more than just being sad…..I love you with all my heart for all your beautiful thoughts for me and your nicest words of appreciation. You are one of the sweetest souls I have met here πŸ™‚ Lots of Love and Hugs. Hope you are having a good time πŸ™‚ xx

  2. Such a sad moving story. I could feel your nostalgia with the cold Maybe that is why I was feeling as I was yesterday. That photo is almost exactly a photo I took in early December near my home…something about lonely park benches. I pass a park every day to go to work…the park bench in the middle is where a lover broke my heart on Skype last Spring…and now your story, oh my how that woman found her strength to move forward with all her children, grieving her husband as well. How terrible what his family did to her…how wonderful that you came into her life at a time she and her children needed. Do you see how you touched her soul and marked the hearts of her children? They have good memories now to replace the negativity of their past. You brought them hope that humanity is not all the bad…only some belong in cages…you are a free spirit spreading so much. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story…sad is good sometimes…crying…tears releases toxins in our bodies too, I think. I must have an immaculate body. haha, blessings, Oliana xx

    • Aww Oliana your thoughts made me smile. You are so right about lonely park benches. They seems like a sadness symbol to me. It is sad to know that your heart was broken by someone 😦 I can understand your feelings and your sadness my dear. And thanks for all these words of appreciation you are great Oliana your words are so soothing to me ! Blessings to you too. Take lots of care . Hugs xx

  3. It’s finally going in to the teens in Fahrenheit temperature..where i live..tonight..the coldest temperatures in two decades forecast…

    Well..i still will not get too..cold.. as these days my body makes great amounts of energy instead of taking it from nature…

    So tonight will just be another night dance walking in stores and such as that.. Yes! shorts..while everyone else is all bundled up…

    I miss nostalgia..and that was the great thing about loneliness without severe physical my youth of the human kind of depression..that was subtle and not overpowering…

    IT TRULY IS so important to feel every type of emotion in life..

    i think..but yet i know from experiencing none as speak of..reAlly….

    The history of my extremely poor side of the family..the mothers PUNCtuated by this!

    Of extremely strong stern women..who face monumental health..economic..and almost every imaginable adversity possible..

    Just to see that their children have a next meal…and yes!..the health care in the US..was once like the health care in Pakistan too..but never expensive like it is now..even at what they call a first world country..before President Franklin Roosevelt.. and all of that…

    You’s so easy to be a strong man with Big Muscles..big teeth..big head..big body..and all of that..

    All one has to do is look straight forward..ahead..and all is received is respect from every woman and man who he passes by..But not my experience when i stumbled and swayed at the depth of human spiritual and health death…So i truly see both what privilege and adversity CAN be…

    But see your naked tree and beautiful story..reminded me of my Grandmother..on that maternal side..that lost her only strong patriarch of a man..who was her father..when she was 94 and she was in her 60’s in 1965..when i was 5….

    i saw the shadowing clouds and cold wintered bare the evening sun..and my stern grandmother who would never ever shed a tear not even at her ’86…

    She became a painter..although blind and all of that..and created some of the most beautiful realistic representations.. of everything.. from birds dinosaurs..without any picture as guide to create the beauty..that was the expression..of the trapped pain..of emotions..that led her her greatest expressions of creation activity..or simply life…

    So YEs great pain..repressed emotion..and pain in general..can be expressed through art and all of that..and i guess dear.. and please know i am not assuming here.. that that is where your beauty here..comes from2..

    Love and keep @IT..:)
    Thanks again 4 the nostalgia inspiring story..3..;) with creation activity and all of th@….

    • It was nice reading all your thoughts ! I guess my Nostalgia brought about Nostalgia in your mind too. My respects for your Grand Mother who is a brave woman. Thanks much for sharing these beautiful memories with us. Love xx

      • Well..i think..when we share our creative efforts with others..we share our souls..spark memories..and even save souls…

        It’s truly hard to say..what words will mean to someone else…

        But an open sure to sow a grow a heart or even soul…somewhere else…

        It’s kinda like Spring All Year ’round…

        So blogs are gardens..

        And words are seeds….

  4. We can find more characters like this woman in our sobbing society but, the praiseworthy point is her patience toward all miseries. ‘Sabr’ is a magic tool of with anyone compete with all monsters of life. You presented the story of this courageous woman very well in your words. Lekin dekhain naa, ap k nostalgic winter nay ak bahimmat khatoon ki kahani hum tak pohnchanay ka fareeza anjaam dia!

    • You are so right. Problems occur in every person’s life…’Sabr” is actually the key to success. The success of the life hereafter. Isi leye kehtay hain na k ghareeb log 300 saal pehlay jannat me chalay jaen gay dosray logun se πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for all he appreciation Sir ! Bilkul theak keh ray hain…Akhir kuch tu faeda hu meray Nostalgic winter ka πŸ™‚ Stay blessed ! xx

  5. Aameen to her treatment going fine. She’s a strong woman. God bless her and her children.
    Even I don’t like the chilly weather for the same reason. It makes me feel nostalgic.

    • She is courageous no doubt. I wish all your hopes and well wishes for her come true. Thanks a bunch for reading my thoughts and sharing your’s πŸ™‚ Love to you xx

  6. zoo filled with humans, animals don’t hurt they just bite…
    Chilled winds and abandoned feelings don’t make a good match. They never can….

    I cant write anything after reading this Lala..this is just …

  7. That is horrible what her family did to her after her husband passed away. This world places so many burdens on women… but she was strong and resilient to do what she could to take care of her children. I do hope that she responded well to the medical interventions… and that her children are doing well.
    Nostalgia is fickle and often cannot be trusted.

    • That was a horrible thing indeed ! And she is a brave woman, no doubt. Thanks a bunch for your thoughts….I hope all your beautiful wishes for her come true. I agree about nostalgia too ! It was lovely reading your thoughts. Many thanks and much Love to you xx

  8. I could feel the tears running down your cheeks as I was reading this post. I hope she pulls through, and that your positive energy soothes her pain.

  9. I too hope that she does well with her treatments. She sounds like a very strong woman. I like how you related the weather to your mood and your memories.

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